Kids affect marriage in the best ways. They can bring couples closer together as husbands and wives watch their kids learn, grow, and experience life. No one loves your kids like you and your husband do, and that creates a beautiful bond. But kids also affect marriage in ways that can separate couples. In this episode of the iMOM Podcast, Susan shares a story of how one of her kids favored Dad and manipulated him to get what she wanted. It was innocent enough, but when Susan pointed it out, her husband didn’t see it or want to see it. (Who would? It feels nice to have a special relationship with one of your kids.)
If your kids are putting a wedge between you and your husband, you’re not alone. It happens all the time. When kids are little, that wedge results mostly from the physical strain kids put on us. We’re tired, but they need us to help them with everything, and they require our constant attention to keep them safe. When that happens, connecting as a couple takes a back seat to sleep. When kids get older, the wedge that can come between spouses is usually due to relationship issues with the kids, like discipline or rules.
We also discuss how conflicts can arise when one parent grows close to a child. “Mom gets me, and Dad doesn’t” or vice versa is typical. If parents don’t invest in their marriage but instead give all their attention to the kids, statements like that can easily cause animosity. If you feel tension in your marriage as a result of your kids, ask yourself how you can work together to let your children be a source of connection and shared joy with your husband.
Articles We Mentioned
How the Rule of 1 Can Refresh Your Marriage
Husband or Kids: Who Comes First?
A different perspective on triangulation: How Triangulation Hurts Your Children
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