“I’m almost caught up to you,” my older son said with a mischievous smile as he pointed to the newly scratched line on our growth chart. About a year ago, my boys asked me to mark my height so they could see themselves gaining on me. I don’t need a chart to tell me I’ve only got about two inches on my 10-year-old. Our awkwardly placed hugs have made it crystal clear.
Too bad emotional growth in kids isn’t as apparent as physical growth. It’s not as clear as toes poking out of the fronts of shoes or a hemline that’s suddenly too short to be appropriate. But there are things kids say that indicate the lessons we’re working hard to teach are actually sinking in. Not sure what to listen for? Here are 7 statements that are signs your child is growing up.
1. “That was hard.”
On the first day of school, my son brought home a color-by-number multiplication page. I’m not kidding when I tell you there were at least 100 equations on this page, each needing to be calculated and colored.
By the time he finished, we had both cried, and he said, “That was really hard, Mom.” I agreed and praised him for persevering. When our kids recognize they did something that took effort, it shows that they understand that as they grow up, things aren’t going to be done for them. If your child says these words, respond with, “Yes it was. And you did it.”
2. “I can’t believe I did that.”
My friend’s ninth-grader got caught cheating on an exam, and her first response to her mother as she rested her head in her hands was, “I can’t believe I did that.” Even though my friend was angry about the cheating, she was secretly celebrating because this statement is one of the clear signs your child is growing up.
These words communicate that your child has a personal moral standard and (most of the time) uses it to make decisions. Our goal as parents is not to keep our kids from making mistakes. It’s to give them a moral compass to use when we aren’t there to hold their hands.
Our goal as parents is not to keep our kids from making mistakes. It’s to give them a moral compass to use when we aren’t there to hold their hands. Click To Tweet3. “I noticed this needed to be done.”
I pulled into the driveway and was immediately greeted by my older son, who was holding a checklist and smiling ear to ear. He knew that if he wanted some quality time with me after work, there were some things he could do to free up my time.
This kid packed lunches, put away dishes, and set out his uniform. He was so proud to say to me, “I did these things without being told.” Sure, he had selfish, yet sweet, motives, but these words show initiative and the ability to look outside of his own needs and desires.
4. “I can’t go out. I have homework to do.”
My kids aren’t at the “going out” stage yet, but I remember having to choose schoolwork over a social life when I was in high school. This show of responsibility isn’t fun, but it’s a sign your child is growing up and ready for college or a job.
If your child chooses to be responsible, don’t let the opportunity to praise him pass you by. Not all kids set down their car keys and pick up a book without prompting or an ultimatum from their parents.
5. “I don’t understand.”
My younger son is quick to say, “Yeah. I get it,” as we study for a test together. It drives me crazy when his test scores reveal that he actually didn’t get it. Saying “I don’t understand,” whether it’s about a school assignment or a house rule, shows that your child has a desire to learn and is willing to admit he doesn’t know it all.
And as a side note, this statement is one adults need to try saying more often.
6. “I really appreciate that.”
Over the summer, my family went on a cruise that we’d been waiting over two years for. Multiple times my older son said, “Thank you again for taking us on this cruise.” He was truly grateful.
There are moments when my kids act spoiled and entitled, like when this same child said, “I would never take a cruise and not get a room with a balcony.” Um. Excuse me? But when a child acknowledges a blessing or the hard work you had to put in to make something happen, it’s a refreshing sign they are growing up.
7. “You can let go.”
On this same cruise, my family went on an excursion that had us floating in lifejackets down a river through narrow passages, sliding down natural waterslides, and jumping off waterfalls. At first, my little one had a tight grip on me and I had one on him, but once he gained confidence, he said, “Mama, you can let go.”
There will be a moment your child will look at you with confidence and urgency and say, “It’s OK. You can let go.” As much as we don’t want to release them, this is exactly what we’ve been preparing for. Look on the bright side—letting go will give you a hand to wipe your tears.
What are some things he or she has said that are signs your child is growing up?
