“They want Sam to be the ring bearer. Blech.” My friend expressed her disgust at the impending nuptials of her ex-husband and his fiancée. They’d already picked out a tiny tux for her son, but she was asked to take him shoe shopping. She vented over the price of the shoes and the fact that he’ll never wear them again. I said, “Maybe you need to set a boundary here and tell them they need to get his shoes.”
Her head was spinning, and she was directing her anger and hurt at the easiest target: those size-one shoes. No matter what led to your divorce, when your ex gets married or even starts dating, it can dredge up emotions you didn’t know were suppressed. If you’re dealing with this or it might be on the horizon, here are 3 things to remember.
1. You’re always going to be Mom.
Best case scenario, she’s a caring, supportive woman who wants to cooperate with you. Worst case, she’s a real-life Disney movie character who greets your kids with poisoned apples.
No matter who else comes into a child’s life, the relationship with Mom will always be special. It’s irreplaceable. Don’t let doubt, jealousy, or possessiveness make you forget that. If you do let those feelings take hold of you, you’ll find you’re not parenting from a place of love but rather hurt and anger, and that rarely leads to wise choices.
No matter who else comes into a child’s life, the relationship with Mom will always be special. Click To Tweet2. His moving on is not a reflection of your worth.
Most exes will eventually move on. Even if he doesn’t get married, he’ll likely date, and it might happen sooner than you’d like. When an ex moves on soon after a divorce, it stings and makes a woman question her self-worth, thinking “Did our marriage mean nothing?” or “Am I that easy to get over?”
It’s hard to convince your heart of this, but the reality is, his actions are not a reflection of you or your relationship. And everyone deals with pain differently. One person’s coping mechanism might be jumping into the dating world while another’s is sitting on the couch with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s.
3. This is difficult to watch. So don’t look too hard.
It used to be that a divorced woman would hear through the grapevine who her ex is dating or have an awkward run-in at a restaurant. But thanks to social media, your ex’s new relationship is on display, right in front of you. You get to see lovey pictures and read sappy captions and comments on what other people think of their relationship (and those other people might be your friends).
Do yourself a favor and unfollow both of them or hide them from your feed for a while. Even better, take a weeklong fast from social media. That will increase your peace and give you more time with your kids.
Is your ex getting married or dating? How do you handle it in a healthy way?
