Six months after we got married, my husband and I hit the road. We packed up everything we owned and drove from San Diego to Michigan. Along the way, we stopped in a few places I’d never seen before including Zion National Park. We spent the day hiking the Narrows. I’d never really been hiking before, let alone through a water-filled canyon. But it was an adventure. And I can thank my husband for taking me there.
Like most couples, my husband and I have had many exciting experiences together. But I’m sure you and your husband have covered many miles together too. Have you thought much about these journeys? Some will be tough and will test your bond. Here are 5 roads you’ve probably traveled (or will travel)—and what staying married means to make your relationship stronger.
1. The Bumpy Road
Maybe you endured a bumpy road right out of the gate. Or maybe it came later, after your first child. Maybe your marriage is a bumpy road in general. Listen. Marriage will have bumps. If you’re talking about them, good. That’s how to move past them. Living with another person and not having bumps is unrealistic. Work with each other to figure out what’s worth fighting about and what’s better to let go.
Staying married means working through your struggles together. Struggles can make a person—and a couple—stronger. If you’re both willing to put in the time to flatten those bumps, your marriage will grow from them.
2. The Road Trip
Parenting kids is a loooong trip. I have to admit, when I was a stay-at-home mom, the attitude of “I’m with the kids more, so I know what’s best” often emerged. And maybe it was true, especially when the kids were young. But I’ve realized over time that it’s better for my relationship with my husband to find ways to do this parenting trip together. And I’ve also learned, with humility, that my husband has a lot of good wisdom and parenting advice of his own.
Staying married means reflecting on your life together and discussing changes that might benefit your marriage. Work together to agree on some new habits and do your best to stick to them.
3. The Side of the Road
Sometimes you just have to pull over. Maybe this means closing the bedroom door and talking to your husband in private a few times a week. You really can’t move forward in a relationship until you address the hard stuff. Doing so means you care about improving your marriage. It may be grueling work, but don’t feel bad if this is what it takes.
Staying married means working to make progress. To do so, you may want to consider a few marriage counseling sessions. They’re not just for those with serious breakdowns in a relationship, but for happy couples too.
4. A Crossroad
At some point, you may feel like your marriage isn’t what you expected it to be. You might even feel like the best part of your marriage is behind you. But as we move through life parenting children and pursuing careers, our relationship will change. No marriage is perfect, and no one’s going to have smooth sailing. You might even be at a point where you’re deciding whether to stay married or separate. In this case, do whatever you can to make it work. The important thing is to keep talking and be open with your feelings.
No marriage is perfect, and no one’s going to have smooth sailing. Click To TweetStaying married means talking through the past and the hurt you’ve both endured. Consider each other’s feelings and work to forgive. If all the talk hasn’t gotten you anywhere, it’s probably time to get extra help. Invest in counseling. If he won’t go, go yourself.
5. The Extra Mile on a Long Road
I can’t speak for everyone, but I know a lot of women who go the extra mile for their kids. Running back to the playground for Lamby. Staying a few extra minutes to cuddle. But do we go the extra mile for our husbands? Give him the benefit of the doubt? Reach for a hug? I know I don’t do it enough and am trying to go the extra mile for him more often too.
Staying married means making effort with each other even if you’re mad or weary. Affection, according to Eagle Family Ministries, has the power to “strengthen and validate” your bond. Give him a little extra. Maybe he’ll feel it and give you a little extra, too.
Staying married isn’t a given. But it should be a goal. How do you and your husband work through a rough patch when you hit one?
