“I’m so worried,” my son whispered in the dark, curled beneath his blankets. “I don’t want to fail.” I sat beside him, my hand on his shoulder. “I understand,” I said, knowing he had his math test in mind. “But worrying isn’t going to help.” I took a deep breath, recognizing these words of self-doubt. “We need to change those thoughts,” I told him. “Whenever ‘I’m so worried’ pops into your head, you need to replace it with something else.” I paused. I had a handful of examples in mind, but I asked him, “Any ideas?”
After a couple seconds, he said, “I can do it?” I leaned closer, giving him a squeeze. “That sounds great. Say that when those other words try to creep in.” As I stood to go, he sat up and called me back for a hug. In that moment, I thought about all those hugs he’d given me as a little boy. He wasn’t little anymore, but his heart still needed reassurance. He knew I believed in him, but it wasn’t enough. He needed something more. My goal was to help my son believe in himself. If your teen’s self-esteem needs some bolstering, try these 7 tactics.
1. Help him change his words.
If he can change what comes out of his mouth, his thoughts will change too. A teen’s self-esteem starts with him. Right now, I have a list of positive statements taped to the bathroom mirror that he reads aloud every day before school (“I’m confident. I have good ideas. Today’s a brand-new day.”) When he started, he felt goofy and didn’t think it would do any good. Even if your teen doesn’t believe what he’s saying, encourage positive statements daily and look for changes in his own words in the coming weeks.
2. Help her change her actions.
When I realized my daughter was spending her time after school in her room doing things other than homework, I resolved to help her build better study habits. I moved her to the kitchen so I could keep an eye on her and answer questions. Getting her work done earlier in the day helped with her comprehension of the material and as a result, assisted in boosting her self-esteem.
3. Help him take care of his hygiene.
As I neared the main office of my son’s middle school, the smell from the gym hit me in the face like a gale force wind. Pee-yew! I held my breath and rushed inside the office. Good heavens, the B.O.! I don’t want my son emanating stink, so I’ve talked to him about proper hygiene—not just to avoid snarky remarks, but to feel more confident as he grows. I don’t want his self-esteem to take an unnecessary hit, so we’re working on this now before high school.
4. Help her get the nutrition, sleep, and exercise she needs.
If her body is physically tired or she’s not getting the nutrients she needs, it will affect her mood and how she feels not only about school but about herself. A teen’s self-esteem starts with healthy choices—getting enough sleep, eating healthy foods, getting exercise—which will, in turn, help her with coping skills, perseverance with difficult tasks, and managing emotions when life gets a little crazy.
5. Help him stay focused.
Almost all my son’s homework is on the computer and it’s so tempting for him to check other tabs while he’s “stuck” instead of persevering through tough problems. I’ve decided to stay in the same room with him to keep tabs and encourage better habits. Avoiding or delaying difficult work doesn’t help his self-esteem but staying focused and pushing through can.
6. Help her with her identity.
At a very young age, my child asked, “What’s God’s plan for me?” Though I couldn’t know for certain, I assured my child that He has one and that with time, we’ll learn what it is. My faith in God is part of who I am, and I want it to be part of my children’s identities as well. Going to church, praying as a family, and talking about God’s role in our day-to-day lives helps with figuring out who they are and what they believe. So, when my teen’s self-esteem takes a hit, her faith serves as a reminder of God’s love, even in the face of cruelty or injustice.
Going to church, praying as a family, and talking about God’s role in our day-to-day lives helps with figuring out who they are and what they believe. Click To Tweet7. Help him serve others.
My son is required to do service hours and sometimes he gripes about having to do things like make sandwiches at church on a Saturday morning. But it’s amazing to me when he comes home—he’s happy. He never complains about losing an hour of his time when the service hour is done. Rather, he has the look of someone who’s weary but satisfied. I know he’s helped others, but it’s the boost in my teen’s self-esteem that makes me thank God for the opportunity he’s had to serve.
In what other areas can you help boost your teen’s self-esteem?
