When my son turned 5, my world revolved around teaching him to sound out words and write his name legibly. I didn’t think much beyond our next playdate or weekend outing. But now that he’s 15, I know my parenting choices each day are shaping the person I’ll eventually see when he turns 25.
We all want our kids to grow up to be good people, but how do we make sure that happens? The trick, I’ve found, is to parent your child in the present with the future in mind. Sometimes, that’s super hard. But here are 5 things you can do for your child’s future now that’ll help grow the kid you want to see down the road.
1. Teach accountability.
“You’re so mean! I hate you!” Those words can send chills down any mom’s back. I hate the battles, and sometimes, I admit, it’s easier to avoid them and let kids off the hook. But I’m trying to remind myself that my greatest influence on my kids happens now while they’re young, and that I shouldn’t be afraid of the tantrum because I have their best interests in mind.
We won’t see results right away. But they’ll come in time, so keep doing the hard work now (turn off the screen, eat veggies). If they misbehave, be consistent with consequences instead of turning a blind eye. Yes, it’s exhausting work, but teaching our kids that their actions and choices matter will shape them into the upstanding, polite people you’ll want to be around years from now.
2. Be involved in their lives.
Another thing you can do for your child’s future right now is invest time in her. Even if she calls you annoying for always wanting to know who she’s texting or whether she has homework that night, you’re doing the right thing to stay involved. Don’t be deterred by her attitude! As kids become tweens and teens, they may become more impulsive and make more poor choices. That’s OK if they learn from them. But if those choices involve drugs, alcohol, or sex, she could do major damage to herself. Your child needs you to stay involved in her life as she gets older to help guide her.
The truth is your child really does want you to be interested in her.
3. Don’t do for them what they can do for themselves.
It’s easier and quicker for me to do my son’s laundry. Plus, I kind of prefer it that way because I like to add some lavender smelly beads to make his teen funk disappear. But I’m trying to have him do it more often. I’ve noticed that unless he’s feeling overwhelmed, he does it with no complaints. Is it possible he likes the responsibility?
Most kids could use a little more confidence. So, if we can give our kids a little boost here and there by encouraging self-sufficiency, why not? Building him up now is another thing you can do for your child’s future. And you don’t have to wait until he’s a teenager to teach him how to do laundry.
4. Give kids what they need.
We love our kids. We want to give them everything we had and more. But in an age of helicopter parenting and overscheduling, perhaps giving them too much is hurting them.
I love making my kid smile with a LEGO box—making her happy makes me happy. But she’s going to learn more about perseverance and hard work if I tell her she has to earn the new LEGO by doing chores or by working to improve her grades. Helping your child develop a growth mindset and a can-do attitude is ultimately something you can do for your child’s future that won’t cost a cent. Plus, it’ll be way more useful at age 25 than an old toy.
Helping your child develop a growth mindset and a can-do attitude is ultimately something you can do for your child’s future that won’t cost a cent. Click To Tweet5. Peek at the future.
Imagine your 10-year-old as an adult. If you don’t like his struggle with honesty now, it’s not going to improve by the time he’s 18 without concerted effort. Pediatrician Perri Klass and psychologist Lisa Damour wrote that “children learn your values by watching how you live.” So, if honesty is a value you want your child to learn, make sure you live it too. And if he messes up, use consistent discipline to teach him you’re serious about correcting the behavior.
Lastly, if you want your child to be a woman or man of faith, spend time now praying with your son or daughter. Your child’s like a bank. Invest in him now and the dividends will make both of your lives richer in the years to come.
What other things do you do for your child’s future?
