I can still remember seeing my little cousins sitting on the front steps outside their house, chin in hands, with tearful eyes. “Our mom and dad are getting a divorce,” the older one said. “Yeah,” said the little one. “They’re not going to live together anymore.”
The divorce brought a lot of changes to the girls’ lives and they had lots of questions about what would happen to them and what their new life would be like. Kids and divorce is never an easy combination. Here are three of the toughest questions single moms face after a divorce—and how you can answer them.
1. “Why did you get divorced?”
Consider your child’s age before you answer. Then acknowledge your child’s feelings. “I know it makes you sad that dad and I are divorced.” Next, let your child talk. Finally, you’ll want to tell your child something like this: “The issues that led to my and dad’s divorce are grown-up matters. Even though dad and I aren’t married anymore, we will always love you.”
Your child might also ask whose fault the divorce was. Again, tell your child it was a decision based on adult concerns and that he or she had nothing to do with it and was in no way the cause of it. Of course, don’t disparage your ex in any way.
2. “Will you ever get back together?”
Even if there is a remote possibility you might get back together, don’t give your child any hope that could turn out to be false. Tell your child that you and her dad are moving forward unmarried and that your main priority is to be a good mother. Use these three tips for how to raise children well between two homes.
3. “Why didn’t God answer my prayers to keep you and dad together?”
This is a really tough one. Tell your child that God hears our prayers and answers each one. Assure him that even though God doesn’t always answer prayers the way we would want him to, he still loves us and is working in our lives.
What tough questions have your kids asked about your divorce?