My husband is a great man. He’s kind and he’s humble. He has a gift of hospitality and loves to serve the people around him. And he rarely complains. But this often translates to him not telling me what he wants or needs. So it’s taken some guesswork on my part to understand what he wants from me. After almost nine years of marriage, I think I’ve started to figure it out!
Do you know what things your husband wants from you? Maybe he’s quiet or holds emotion in. Maybe he’s vocal but doesn’t express himself clearly. After talking to a number of couples, I noticed some common themes. While each man is different, here are the top 5 things your husband wants from you.
1. Recreational Companionship
There are different types of intimacy, and recreational intimacy is one of them. Many men connect best over an activity or sport. There are no negative emotions involved—just a healthy and fun sense of competition. On your next date, try engaging in a sport or activity you both enjoy.
Part of being in an intimate relationship is a sense of trust. He wants to know that you trust him to make good decisions and be your equal. Sometimes I tend to give my husband advice as if I know better than he does. I grew up as an older sister to younger brothers, and he was the youngest child in his family. This dynamic often makes him feel like I don’t trust him, but I’m working on it.
I have started asking him for his advice on the things I’m working on, and I realize just how valuable his strategic input is. Many wives question their husband about why or how he does things, making him feel like he has to justify himself. All he really wants is to know you trust that his way could work, too.
3. Sexual Fulfillment
Many husbands feel like this part of their lives is lacking. My counsel to wives who struggle with spouses not feeling fulfilled sexually is always to work on their own sexual fulfillment. This will ultimately lead to their husbands being more satisfied. You can’t do something all the time for someone else. When sex is mutually satisfying, both partners will feel more content.
Your husband wants to know that you appreciate him—especially for those things he does for you that you might naturally take for granted, like taking out the garbage, changing light bulbs, or mowing the lawn. Acknowledgment shown through gratitude will go a long way in helping him feel appreciated. (And when your husband feels appreciated, you might just find he helps out even more.)
Just like moms need time away and room to breathe, sometimes your husband just needs a little space. He wants, even needs, a few hours or even a whole day when he can just be on his own. He needs space where he doesn’t have to work or do anything for anyone else. This will be good for both of you.
We know this list isn’t complete; what does your husband want from you?
Cassandra Soars has published various national magazine articles on a wide range of topics, including life in Mozambique, Africa, where she lived for five years. Her first book Love Like Fire: The Story of Heidi Baker is available on Amazon.