I love my girl friends. There’s no one better to compare nap time notes or teenage struggles than your girlfriend who’s going through the same thing. But our husbands are along for the parenting ride too. And nurturing that relationship requires time, effort, and attention. Don’t ditch your girlfriends! But do find the right balance so you can keep your marriage going strong.
If you have a busy schedule with playdates, work, PTA meetings, and book club, take a moment to think about how your husband fits in. You’re probably enjoying your friendships and being a good friend as well! But if your husband feels a little left out, you might want to hit pause and have a good heart-to-heart. Here are 5 signs you’re treating others better than your spouse and how to find the right balance with your hubby.
1. You confide in others more than your husband.
When you have good news to share, who do you tell first? When my husband’s busy at work, I’ll call my mom. Sometimes, we even text throughout the day. But I know my husband has to be the priority for the big stuff. It’s something I keep in mind even when I feel the knee-jerk reaction to call my mom. Whether it’s a sister, a friend, or your mom, think about saving what’s really on your mind and in your heart for your husband. They deserve the first chance to be a friend and a good listener. Without opportunities to do so, an emotional gap can grow.
2. When you have free time, your friends are the priority.
Think about what you enjoy doing when you have an evening or a day free. More often than not, I just want to be by myself. But if it means leaving the house, it’s honestly so much easier to go out with friends than make it a date night. (I know my husband will watch the kids!) But making time for our husbands feeds the marriage. And when that happens, our kids benefit. The truth is, treating others better than your spouse might come at a cost. Our husbands want us to enjoy our friends, but they want us to choose them too. Happy couples make having fun together a priority!
3. You include your friends in all your family activities.
Having good girl friends is a blessing. And inviting friends to dinner and over for game nights is a lot of fun. But it’s also important to have boundaries around some family activities. Having a family movie night or weekday dinners together can draw you closer to your most important people. It’s also a good way to nourish your relationship with your husband within the context of family activities. Having friends along is great. Don’t get me wrong! But protecting and growing the friendship you have with your husband is something that needs attention and time to grow as well.
4. You celebrate your friends’ milestones more than your husband’s.
Your friend just turned 30 (or 40 or 50). How do you celebrate? I have an acquaintance who surprised her BFF by decorating her car overnight. When her friend awoke in the morning, she found balloons, posters, and confetti covering her Chevy. Do you go out of your way to celebrate your husband? Treating others better than your spouse can have a negative impact on your marriage. Try remembering why you chose your husband in the first place and make it a priority to continue to celebrate your union with every milestone. Show him he’s worth the effort (and maybe he’ll reciprocate too).
5. When your friends are going through a rough patch, it affects your home life more than it should.
My friend told me her husband wasn’t home enough to help with the kids. When he got off work, he’d go for a run, and on the weekends, he’d be gone for hours, training for a marathon. I listened to her talk about her husband for weeks and eventually realized that her problems were seeping into my own life because I’d started to scrutinize my own husband’s choices. I decided then I needed to step back. I didn’t want to create problems in my own marriage that weren’t there. Has this ever happened to you?
What are some other signs you might be treating others better than your spouse?
