Early in our marriage, my husband and I didn’t give much thought to the types of sex all couples should have. Within a few years, though, he was assigned a work shift of 4 p.m. to midnight, which easily could have taken a toll on our love life. The odd work shift challenged us to get really good at planning sex! He eventually moved back to a day shift, but planned sex is still vital to our relationship.
You might want the spontaneous, passionate stuff you see in the movies, but maintaining that, for better or worse (and with kids), is just not realistic. You need other options in your toolkit! There are types of sex all couples should have if they want not only to navigate the journey of marriage but also to enjoy it. Here are 5 different kinds of sex all couples should have.
1. Planned Sex
When thinking about the types of sex all couples should have, not too many people have a positive outlook on planned sex. We tend to think that if we schedule it, then it will lack the romance we associate with good lovemaking. That mindset, though, could be hurting sexual intimacy in your marriage.
A better truth to embrace is that many of the best moments in our lives are planned: vacations, lunch dates with friends, birthday celebrations, holiday gatherings. Maybe a better word than planned would be intentional. When you and your husband intentionally set aside time to make love, you are saying with your words and actions that sex is a priority. With the chaotic schedules many of us face on any given day, if we aren’t planning at least some of our sexual encounters, we’re probably not having much sex.
With the chaotic schedules many of us face on any given day, if we aren’t planning at least some of our sexual encounters, we’re probably not having much sex.
2. Spontaneous Sex
Yes, I just was singing the praises of planned sex, but couples also should be having spontaneous sex!
When you and your husband make the most of the sexual opportunity windows that open with little notice, you keep the passion alive. Spontaneous sex is unscripted, sometimes quick and sometimes drawn out, but always powerful in reminding a couple of the freedom and fun found in sexual pleasure.
As for the types of sex all couples should have, spontaneous sex possibly is the one we should pursue the most. Doing so sets in place a healthy pattern of sexual oneness, the effects of which are profound to your overall relationship.
3. Stress-Relief Sex
I remember an evening when I pulled into the driveway after picking up my son from basketball practice, only to see two people trying to break into our basement door. They ran away, but both my husband and I were shaken by the experience as we reflected on it later that night. Do you know what I wanted to do more than anything else in that moment of angst and uncertainty? I wanted to make love. Why? I needed the comfort and assurance of being in my husband’s arms to quell my anxious heart.
I’ve talked with enough couples to know that stress-relief sex is uniquely reassuring. It is a type of comfort only the two of you can give each other, which makes it even more tender and intimate. When life’s unpredictability and tragedy throw you off course, consider connecting sexually with your husband.
Lovemaking releases endorphins and hormones that naturally help us sleep better and give us a better outlook on life. Often, the best thing you can do after a stressful day is have sex.
4. Selfless Sex
Sometimes you have to take one for the team. Calling this “team sex” seemed inappropriate, so let’s go with selfless sex. There are times when you don’t feel like having sex, but you should consider it because you and your husband are a team.
It’s not that you can’t say “no,” because marriage should be a place of grace where you can decline sex for legitimate reasons. Is your desire to say “no” rooted in a legitimate reason? If not, then consider how beneficial it could be to make love to your husband. The key to this is to respond to his initiation kindly rather than begrudgingly. Ask him to do the same when you want to have sex but he isn’t in the mood.
5. Adventurous Sex
All couples should have sex that is occasionally adventurous. Adventurous can mean anything from trying a new position or touch to drawing out foreplay to having sex someplace other than your bed. As long as you are maintaining exclusivity and privacy, you have tremendous freedom to find new ways to sexually please each other.
Are there any other types of sex you think all couples should have?
Written by: Julie Sibert