“What do you want for dinner?” my husband asked. “I just don’t want tomorrow to come,” was my response as I sank into the couch and held back tears. In his wisdom, he said, “How ’bout I order a pizza?” We were in a stage of parenting that was taking every ounce of my physical energy, and the idea of waking up the next day and doing it all over again made me want to hide.
What phase or stage of parenting are you in? The clingy phase? The eye-roll phase? The phase when they eat ketchup with everything? Seasoned moms will tell you that once you get the tricks of one phase down pat, it ends, and another begins. So here are 3 ways to survive the next phase—because you know one’s coming!
1. Remind yourself where you’ve been.
I scrolled all the way back in my Facebook photos to 2011. I showed my son the very first picture I ever posted of him, and he said, “It took you a month?” Yes, the date of the post was just four days short of him turning one month. I said, “I was having a really hard time and didn’t feel like taking pictures.” It’s true. On that pizza night I mentioned, I’d been struggling with some baby blues or post-partum depression, not sure which.
When the next rocky stage starts, look back over old photos. As you scroll through them, think about what was going on behind the filter and the smiles. Was that a tantrum-filled day? You survived. Was it the day your 7-year-old told you he wished he lived with his grandma? You survived. Seeing my old photo reminded me I’d made it through a difficult phase before and could do it again.
2. Take time to ponder your child.
We’re currently in the “constantly bickering” phase. It’s not uncommon for me to hear my older son say, “But let me show you how to do it!” and the younger one will say, “I don’t caaaare about your way of doing it.”
I want to step in and settle their squabbles with them, but instead, I’m trying to do more listening, pondering, and praying. What about my older son makes him want to convince his brother he knows best? What is my younger son feeling that makes him reject his brother’s ideas before they come out of his mouth? Surviving the stages of parenting is easier when we are slow to react and instead take time to ponder our children.
Surviving the stages of parenting is easier when we are slow to react and instead take time to ponder our children. Click To Tweet3. Make sure everyone’s buckets are full (including yours).
In How Full is Your Bucket? Tom Rath and Mary Reckmeyer, Ph.D. say all of us carry invisible buckets. Throughout the day, we can do things that fill others’ buckets and our own. When our kids’ buckets are full, they are more content and feel seen and appreciated. And when the buckets are empty, they’ll let you know by acting out or showing a bad attitude.
If you’re entering a phase that intimidates you—for me, it’s “the terrible 12s”—put extra effort into filling your child’s bucket. Imagine an actual bucket, and each act of love, kind word, and hug fills it a bit more. An overflowing bucket might not make a difficult phase end on command, but an empty one sure will make the phase harder for both of you. Make it a habit of checking in at the end of the day and asking how full your child’s bucket is. Just knowing you care will make the level rise.
What are your tricks to survive a tough stage of parenting?
