As last year drew to a close, I snuck away from my family and visited a local coffee shop. My reason? Write out my goals for the coming year. I tucked myself away in a corner of the shop with a chai latte, pen, and notebook. As I scribbled out my goals, I started to get frustrated, and then sad. It seemed like most of my goals were centered around one thing: re-finding myself in the midst of motherhood.
But as I started to create goals for re-finding myself, I had a lightbulb moment. Maybe I really haven’t lost myself at all. What being a mom has taught me is that I’m actually discovering a new part of myself. And maybe you’re discovering that, too. Here are 4 ways you might be finding, not losing, yourself in motherhood.
1. We find more grateful versions of ourselves in the monotony.
Doing the dishes, washing dirty clothes, and disciplining kids is monotonous work, but it’s also work that creates gratefulness. I know, I know—it’s hard to come to that conclusion without some effort. The exhaustion I get from the day-after-day work of motherhood makes me want to take a weeklong vacation with nothing but silence and someone who cooks and cleans up after me.
However, when you start to see the fruits of your labor in your children’s behavior, you become thankful for all the time and effort you poured into those teaching moments. And at the end of the day, when the kids are in bed and you can take a minute to breathe, it’s easier to see that the dirty dishes mean your kids are well-fed, the laundry means they are clothed, and the discipline means you have unique individuals you’ve been tasked with raising.
2. We find that sacrifice can make us happy.
Until motherhood, you may have thought putting yourself second or third would feel like a burden. No one wants to put their own desires aside, but that’s what you’ve been doing since the day you became pregnant, and I bet you’ve had happier moments than you ever could’ve imagined.
Don’t get me wrong; sacrifice is hard. It’s one of the hardest things you’ll do, but it’s also so worth it when you look at those beautiful kiddos. What being a mom has taught me is that putting yourself last has its benefits. The idea that you can find the happiest version of yourself in the sacrifices you make for your family is shocking and countercultural, but it’s true.
The idea that you can find the happiest version of yourself in the sacrifices you make for your family is shocking and countercultural, but it's true. Click To Tweet3. We find our dreams being shaped, not forgotten.
I used to think my writing dreams would permanently end once I became a mom. I also thought I’d never get to travel again because I gave up my career to homeschool my kids. Thankfully, neither of those thoughts ended up being true. You might have to put dreams on hold for a bit, but there will be a time when you can jump back into them.
I realized that while I was focusing on my children, God was orchestrating things in the background and helping me grow in wisdom that I could then share with other moms. And I still love to travel, but now I’m finding that it’s just as much fun to have my kids in tow. My dreams look different than I expected, but I’m also fulfilling new dreams in motherhood that I never knew I had.
4. We find that life’s perks can’t compare to being called “Mom.”
It’s amazing how much your children’s admiration and love for you can completely change you. Several months ago, one of my dear friends died by suicide. When I got the news, I was completely devastated. Without even knowing what was wrong, my three kids gathered around me as I wept. They hugged me, patted my head, and said, “Mommy, we love you.”
This loss made me think of all the things I wanted for my life. I can think of a million potential perks—a full bank account, a nice house, a fun vacation… but what being a mom has taught me is that the love of my children is better than all of those things.
What are some ways you’ve grown and become a better version of yourself during motherhood?
