I rolled over and suddenly woke to a throbbing sensation in my neck. I opened my eyes in the dark: 2 a.m. Drenched in sweat but shivering, I realized my entire body ached. I was sick, and by two days later, so was my entire family. And so, the world stopped spinning for two weeks. With the whole house down, I could no longer do what I usually do: control everything.
No preschool for my oldest, no work for my husband, no routines or schedules to follow. Although I tried to continue doing all the things I love to do—plan the details of our day, give directions, check things off the many to-do lists, organize schedules—it simply wasn’t an option. I was making life harder than it should be by attempting to gain control over an uncontrollable situation. This was just one moment in time for me, but I know there are other ways I’m constantly making life harder than it should be. What about you? Do you do any of these 5 things?
1. We forgive others’ mistakes, but not our own.
I still think about the time I forgot to buckle my toddler’s lap belt in his car seat. Each time I load him into the car, I think about all the terrible things that could have happened that day. Yet, if a friend came to me about doing the same thing with her kids, I would reassure her that it was a mistake and there is no need to dwell on it; everyone is safe and that’s what matters. So why can’t I let myself off the hook? I think it’s because moms often don’t allow themselves any room for error; we expect perfection in our parenting. We have to remember we’re only human. Mistakes are guaranteed—and that’s OK!
2. We forgo rest so those around us can relax.
Has anyone ever actually seen a mom sit down and do nothing? Sit down and fold laundry, sure. But sit down and rest? Hmm, maybe not. We are making life harder than it should be when we send everyone to another room to relax or play while we continue working around the house. We can be so focused on filling the cups of others that we forget all about filling our own! Taking time to rest is important, even if the work isn’t done.
Taking time to rest is important, even if the work isn’t done. Click To Tweet3. We measure our days with results.
At the end of the day, my husband will often ask how my day with the kids had been. I’ve noticed that I often answer his question by rattling off all the tasks I managed to accomplish that day. I think many moms use productivity as a measuring tool for how “good” the day was. But even when you can’t check anything off your to-do list, what you did is still of value. You fed your kids, you played with them, you offered an encouraging word. It feels great to accomplish other things, but even on the days when nothing gets done, it doesn’t make you any less. Just think of how many more good days we will have when we remember that our kids got what they need most—us.
4. We overbook our time.
Hi, my name is Samantha, and I am a chronic yes-sayer. I say yes way too often. Ballet lessons on Monday? Of course. Wednesday night Bible study? You betcha. Thursday evening dinner plans with those acquaintances we always talk about getting together with? Wouldn’t miss it! It might not be just a mom thing, but we often fill the family calendar until the white spaces are gone. It’s no wonder we feel burned out by Sunday evening! Try marking one day per week as “busy” just to ensure you and your kids have some downtime.
5. We constantly feel guilty.
Maybe I didn’t read a bedtime story. Or maybe I yelled a little too much that day. There is always something I did or didn’t do that causes guilt to creep in throughout my day. Whether it stems from the way-too-high standards I set for myself or from what others are saying I should be doing, mom-guilt finds me. I think a lot of moms often feel guilty for things they don’t have to feel guilty for. Instead of spending your energy on combating the constant guilt, work on showing yourself grace—and then move on!
What other ways are moms making life harder than it should be for themselves?
