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What I Wish I Knew as a New Mom

A friend of mine is having her first baby at age 44. Everyone in her life is thrilled for her, but I’m sure that enthusiasm comes with a ton of unsolicited advice for new moms. My own mind is turning with thoughts—things I learned on the journey. It’s not that I think I know best; there are just so many things that I learned along the way and would do differently.

Some advice for new moms is very specific and personal, especially if it’s coming from your own mother or mother-in-law. It’s tempting to brush it off and say, “I’m going to do things differently.” But there’s some advice that applies to all babies and all new moms. Here are 5 things I wish I’d known when my kids were babies that I think will help you, too.

1. Milestones aren’t set in stone.

It’s so easy to get very worried about your baby hitting developmental milestones. You look up information on the internet, you compare what your baby is doing with what your friend’s baby is doing, you can even doubt your doctor’s reassurance when she offers it to you. Milestones are just ballpark guidelines. Some children walk at nine months, others at 18 months. There is a range of normal and just because your child is closer to the far edge of normal doesn’t mean things aren’t OK. If you do have real concerns, ask your pediatrician, not your neighbor or your best friend.

2. Perfection is overrated.

As a new mom, I wanted to make sure I did everything right. Naturally, that meant I wanted my baby to do everything right. When she attempted something, I focused on the end result. The advice for new moms I offer in this area is that the process is way more important than the result. Whether it’s finger painting or eating from a spoon, I think it’s better to let the child try it by herself. It’s OK if she struggles a little bit or gets an imperfect result. Help her to find joy in the effort of learning and growing, not just in the finished product.

3. It’s OK to be different.

Having a community of friends and family who love and support you and your child is great, to a point. Unfortunately, it’s easy to get caught up in what everybody else is doing. “Oh! All of my friends’ babies are in swim class. I’d better sign up!” “All of my friends’ babies are going to this school. I’d better get registered!” When I was raising my kids, I was part of a social group made up of moms who mostly did the same playgroups, activities, and schools. When it dawned on me that what was right for their children may not be right for mine, it was so freeing. It’s OK to make your own path that varies from your social circle’s and even the current culture. This leads to the next point.

4. It’s a good idea to limit social media.

Social media can cause real harm to new moms, so use it with caution; better yet, stay off it as much as you can when you’re in the new-mom phase. You’re going to be physically tired and more prone to feeling blue, so looking at other new moms on social media and comparing yourself and your child to them and their babies isn’t really helpful. If you think you can’t stay off Instagram or Facebook completely, limit yourself to 20 minutes a day and then put your phone away. You’ll be much happier for it.

5. You should give yourself grace.

You are the right mom for your child. God gave you this child because He knew you were what your baby needed. It’s most important that you don’t second guess yourself and wonder if you’re good enough for your child. Show yourself the same grace and kindness you’re showing your new baby. Your baby’s learning to be a person, and you’re learning to be a mom. I remember being so hard on myself and focusing on even my tiniest missteps as a mother. Lost in all of that was the big picture—I was loving my child every day.

If your husband would like some new-father advice, check out this article on All Pro Dad.

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