My friend Leah is older and wiser than me and has about 20 more years of marriage under her belt than I do. I sat next to her at a friend’s wedding and when the officiant asked, “What is real love?” and started to read from 1 Corinthians, she mumbled to me, “They don’t know what they’re in for.”
Even if you don’t read the Bible, you have probably heard the passage that says, “Love is patient, love is kind.” Don’t fact-check me on this, but I think it’s recited at 67.5% of weddings. After my friend’s ceremony, I asked Leah what she meant and she said, “It’s easy to agree that love is all of those things until life gets tough. That’s when you have to tap into what love truly is. That’s when the words have to come alive.” Wow. In marriage, we get to make love come to life. It’s a privilege and a challenge. If you’re up for it, here are 10 ways to bring your love to life and show it’s real.
Love is patient.
Going into marriage, I thought this meant you didn’t yell when he refused to replace the roll of toilet paper. But love becomes powerful when a wife whose husband struggles with addiction patiently supports him as he goes to rehab, working for a sober future.
Love is kind.
It’s easy to be kind to your husband and do his laundry. Real love is showing kindness by doing his laundry after a huge fight when he storms out of the room.
It does not envy.
I didn’t think spouses envied each other. Envy felt like something reserved for friends, coworkers, or Instagram influencers. Then I had babies and had to wake up in the middle of the night while my husband slept. Love is put into action when it doesn’t look at the sleeping spouse with envy. It knows envy breeds contempt and that there’s no room for it in marriage.
Real love knows envy breeds contempt and that there’s no room for it in marriage. Click To TweetIt does not boast. It is not proud.
Like envy, I didn’t think boasting or pride applied to husbands and wives. Then I got into some heated fights—sometimes I was right and sometimes I was wrong. Boasting and pride never made anything better.
It does not dishonor others.
If you ask, “What is real love?” sound advice would be choosing not to disrespect your husband when you’re in front of others. True. But love speaks volumes when it refuses to be disrespectful in private or when your husband’s not around and all the other wives are doing it.
It is not self-seeking.
I thought not being self-seeking meant being willing to go to the restaurant that serves his favorite dish but has nothing on the menu I’m interested in. Then I saw a friend graciously give up her career to let her husband pursue his dream job.
It is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs.
We think love is refraining from yelling about how he got the wrong kind of milk again or about how I made dinner last night so now it’s his turn, but then we learn that love actually comes alive when a woman forgives her husband for cheating and works to repair the relationship one day at a time.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
Real love shows up when your sex life starts to struggle and you commit not to allow pornography to enter in but instead, to be open about each other’s needs and insecurities.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
The image of the macho protector husband is great and all, but I saw how attractive love can be when my friend and her husband cared for her father as his physical and mental health deteriorated. Together they guarded each other’s well-being, trusted that they could see it through until her father passed, held onto hope that their marriage could survive this trial, and persevered so that it did.
Love never fails.
After years of marriage, you laugh at the fact that you thought “love never fails” meant that if he really loved you, he’d never forget your anniversary. Then you found out that love comes alive as you build a life together, navigate hills and valleys, watch your kids grow up and move out, and get wrinkles on your wrinkles. And you are so glad to be doing it all together.
What is real love in your marriage?
