Last Christmas, I asked for one thing. It was actually more of a service than a thing. I wanted to have our floors professionally steam cleaned. Easy, right? I even simplified this request by texting my husband the link to a five-star company in the area—WITH A COUPON! When Christmas morning rolled around, the sight of my name on a giant box made me nervous. Unless a live floor cleaner jumped out of that box, I was prepared for a letdown.
Disappointment settled in when I opened a steam cleaner. My husband didn’t even give me time to react before saying, “This cost the same as a one-time service, and now we’ll be able to use it whenever we want.” My face must’ve been a dead giveaway because he instantly followed that up by assuring me he would be the one to use it. Was it fair of me to be disappointed? Was I looking a gift horse in the mouth? Do you know what to do when you receive a gift you don’t like? There are two obvious ways to respond, but here are some subtleties to distinguish when to use each approach.
A Humble Thank You
When in doubt, use this response. If your neighbors deliver fruit cake or your coworkers give you another mug, a simple thank you is the appropriate and respectful response. One of my friends received handcrafted Santa seat covers from her mother-in-law, and even though they didn’t match her décor, she thanked her without hesitation. The people in your outer circle rarely know what becomes of the gifts they give you, so a humble thank you is the way to go.
A Direct and Honest No Thank You
This approach isn’t as easy in the moment, but it pays off in the long run. A few weeks after Christmas passed, I finally fessed up to my husband that I wasn’t very excited about the giant steam cleaner which still hadn’t found a home in our home. By that point, it was too late to return because the enormous box had already been used as kindling for a bonfire. For multiple reasons, he wished I had told him sooner. He admitted that he would’ve been a little bummed. After talking through our different perspectives, he humbly said, “This is a good reminder that I don’t know what you want more than you know what you want.”
If you make a specific request that isn’t honored, a version of “no thank you” is an effective way to establish a healthy boundary. My mom hates having her feet touched, so if my dad, sister, or I give her a pedicure gift card, it will likely get handed back with a reminder that her feet are off-limits. Fair enough, right? Declining a gift, or admitting it wasn’t what you expected, can be a tender exchange, so reserve this approach for your near and dear: spouse, parents, siblings, and very close friends.
If you make a specific request that isn’t honored, a version of “no thank you” is an effective way to establish a healthy boundary. Click To TweetWays to Avoid Getting a Gift You Don’t Like
When people ask what you want, be very clear. If you don’t want anything, make that clear, too. If you’re unsure, be prepared to utilize the “humble thank you” response when the gift is given.
My sister lives overseas and doesn’t want to haul things all over the world, so she explicitly says, “Please, no gifts for me,” and she means it. When my brother-in-law wanted a particular knife for his cooking collection, we appreciated his specific request. A few years ago, my husband locked eyes with me and said, “Do NOT plan a surprise party for my 40th birthday!” I was able to honor his request by shutting down multiple party planning attempts that came from extended family. As with so many things in life, clear communication can save the day.
Knowing that a gift giver’s intentions are almost always good, err on the side of graciousness and move on—unless it’s a steam cleaner.
How do you respond to gifts you aren’t thrilled about?
