My 11-year-old son is too big to sit on my lap, but that doesn’t stop him from occasionally climbing on. I’ve learned when he initiates this cuddle time, it is always paired with something that’s on his mind—typically his way of airing grievances. Most recently, he took a seat, skipped all pleasantries, and jumped right to his concern: “Everyone interrupts me.”
He explained the different ways everyone interrupts him all the time. While I wanted to cut him off and point out how it wasn’t as bad as he thought, I realized that would only strengthen his case—one that was surprisingly strong. It forced me to slow down and consider why people interrupt, how it impacts others, and opportunities for growth. Here are 5 reasons people interrupt—and how to change it.
1. They want to get to the point.
I value efficiency—arguably more than I should. I interrupt Isaac when he is dragging on and on with a story or when I think I know what someone is about to say. If you appreciate brevity, you might be guilty of interrupting those who take time to stop and smell the roses—and then tell you every detail of the stop, the smell, and the roses.
Growth opportunity: Slow down your thoughts. Stay present in the conversation rather than thinking one step ahead. Try not to fill in the blanks or cut someone off because this can send the message that your time (or pace) is more important than theirs.
2. They want to seem engaged in the conversation.
Have you ever chatted with someone who asks lots of questions? They do a great job of propelling a conversation, but sometimes they interrupt with follow-up questions or an anecdote before you’ve even finished your thought. This is tricky because it’s disguised as being hospitable or conversational, but rapid-fire questions may not feel as engaging to the person being interrupted as they do to the interrupter.
Growth opportunity: Slow down. Think before you interject. It’s OK if you don’t actively participate in every part of the conversation. Chances are good that if you wait until the speaker is finished, you’ll have an opportunity to contribute, or you’ll already have answers to the questions you were tempted to ask.
3. They want attention.
Siblings are notorious for stealing thunder and shifting attention (as is the case with our three kids), and many adults are skilled at one-upping each other, taking over a story, or shining a light on their areas of expertise. I know I’m guilty of trying to get a laugh by inserting one-liners and witty jokes, and I’m sure that’s not always a welcome interruption.
Growth opportunity: Slow down your impulses. Before jumping in, think about how it will impact the person speaking. Is this your moment? Your story? Read the room and know your audience.
4. They want to change someone else’s point of view.
If you like to be right, this might be your trouble spot. My husband tends to reroute Isaac when his logic is faulty, and Isaac always shoots back with, “You didn’t let me finish!” Do you ever cut someone off (intentionally or not) because you have a different perspective? Are you quick to correct others instead of letting them finish?
Growth opportunity: Slow down your reactiveness. Rather than interrupting with the intent to prove a point, listen with the intent to understand and to be polite.
Rather than interrupting with the intent to prove a point, listen with the intent to understand and to be polite. Click To Tweet5. Someone wants to avoid being disrupted.
Have you ever said “not right now” or “in a little bit” when one of your kids wants to tell or show you something? Does anyone in your house tune out all conversation if the TV is on? If I’m making dinner or in the middle of a project, I can be quick to dismiss requests or bids for attention.
Growth opportunity: Slow down your agenda. This might not always be possible, but a little bit of intentional focus goes a long way. Pause your schedule for a few minutes and it will likely reduce the disruptions.
We’ve all been on the receiving end of an interrupter, but acknowledging it within ourselves isn’t as easy. Slowing down is the antidote to many of these common forms of interrupting. Are you willing to give it a try?
When, or who, are you most likely to interrupt?
