I had the most amazing sitter for my sons when they were little. We called her Annie the Nanny. She watched both of my boys until they started four-year-old preschool, so altogether, she was with us for almost six years. I’d come home from work and let her stay in control for a while so I could watch her interact with them. I was always amazed at how she seemed to have magic tricks for how to get a toddler to listen.
When Annie would walk out the door, things would shift. Is “late-afternoon hearing loss in toddlers” a thing? Maybe they started the day with a set amount of obedience and used it all up on her. As much as I wish those were possibilities, I’m pretty sure the problem was me. Annie knew that how to get a toddler to listen was not through volume or bribes. Here are 5 things I learned from her that you should definitely try with your little one.
1. Make your voice something they want to hear.
When Annie the Nanny was there, she was totally focused on my kids. It was her job, after all. So she talked to them the whole day, read with them, and played, of course. They were eager to listen to her because she interacted with them for reasons other than just correcting or giving orders.
Meanwhile, I’d get home from work and would need to tie up a few loose ends, prep dinner, and do things around the house, so a lot of my interaction with them was maintenance and not connection. If your children know that the only time you’re going to talk to them is to tell them what to do or not do, they’re eventually going to tune you out.
If your children know that the only time you’re going to talk to them is to tell them what to do or not do, they’re eventually going to tune you out. Click To Tweet2. Get down.
This is the one you probably already knew but struggle with the most. I know I did. I wanted my kids to listen to me from across the room with my back turned. Annie the Nanny was tall, like five foot nine, so to talk to the kids, she had to get down low or she might as well be across the room too.
If you really want your toddler to listen, kneel down, look him or her in the eye, and use facial expressions. Not only will you get toddlers’ attention this way, you’ll make them feel important. The person your toddler loves the most decided to get on the floor and be little like him or her! And imagine what life is like looking at people’s knees all day. I think that’s why kids love pets so much. They actually get to look them in the face.
3. Communicate clearly.
Kids are very literal. “Want to pick up your blocks?” might feel like a gentle way of telling your child to “pick up your blocks,” but at face value, it’s a yes or no question. Most likely, the answer from your toddler will be no.
Clear communication also means giving one command at a time. Imagine being three and hearing, “Clean up your blocks and put your crayons away so we can get your shoes on and go meet Levi at the park. We’ll grab an ice cream on the way home if you’re good!” I don’t know about you, but all I’d hear is that there’s ice cream in my future.
Need help getting those tiny ears to perk up? Listen to this episode of the iMOM Podcast and subscribe to get new episodes every Monday.
4. Focus on what to do instead of what not to do.
I didn’t often hear Annie the Nanny speak in the negative. That was reserved only for times the kids were in danger. Saying to a child, “Don’t touch that handle,” or “Stop!” as they’re about to step into the road will get them to do exactly what you want: nothing.
Any other time, telling toddlers what not to do doesn’t give them much to work with, unless you’re expecting them to sit completely still. And I don’t know your toddler, but I’m guessing that’s pretty unrealistic. So instead of “Don’t leave your toys on the kitchen floor,” try, “Please move your toys out of the kitchen so I don’t trip.”
5. Soften commands by adding choices.
This is a bit of mind trickery, but I watched Annie master the art of redirecting via choice. If you say, “Time to turn off the TV so we can get dressed and go to the store,” your child’s focus will be on the fact that the TV is going away.
If you say, “I’m turning off the TV so we can go to the store. Do you want to wear your green socks or your blue socks?” You might still get some pushback about the TV, but now, your toddler’s brain is in decision-making mode and he or she feels empowered.
What wins or losses have you had in getting your toddler to listen?
