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5 Lies Our Teens Believe About Sex and Dating

Several years ago, a friend of mine invited me and my husband to have dinner with her and her new boyfriend. The reason? She wanted to prove to him that it is possible to avoid sex before marriage—and we are that proof. He was so convinced no one could wait to have sex that it took meeting us face-to-face to believe it. Look! We’re real!

According to a 2021 CDC survey, about 30% of teens are sexually active. That means 70% are not sexually active. Yet our culture seems to accept universally that teenage dating and sex go hand-in-hand. And that’s just one of the lies our teens believe that lead them to make dangerous decisions. Mom, you need to know these 5 lies our kids are hearing so you can teach them the truth.

Lie #1: Teens have to have sex if they’re dating.

Teachers, friends, and even parents regularly tell high school students that teenage dating means having sex, so they should just be prepared to do it safely. But the truth? Fewer than half of teens are sexually active in high school, a lot of teens actually lie about their sexual experience, and teens do have the strength to say no to sex. Their hormones do not control them. Parents need to stop setting the bar so low for our kids and instead, challenge them to use self-control to protect themselves from the emotional and physical baggage that comes from a sexual relationship.

Lie #2: It’s healthy and normal to watch or look at pornography.

Where you and I may have grown up with pornography being shameful or taboo, teens are now living in an environment where porn is more acceptable and encouraged by their peers. Teens think porn is a guideline, a training manual, or just harmless entertainment, but that’s false. Research by Bravehearts Foundation found that “Pornography short-circuits and/or distorts the normal personality development process and supplies misinformation about a child’s sexuality, sense of self, and body that leaves the child confused, changed and damaged.”

Lie #3: Teen boys need to have sex with their girlfriends to be “healthy.”

I’ve heard stories about girls whose boyfriends pressured them to have sex because their boyfriends told them it’s painful for them to get to a certain point and then stop. I’m not downplaying the discomfort or explaining how the male anatomy functions, but a real gentleman would never pressure a woman to have sex with him and he would never treat her like an object that functions to provide relief, even in the name of good health. That kind of behavior in teenage dating is abusive and manipulative.

Lie #4: Girls don’t need to dress modestly.

Girls’ clothing does not cause boys to sin. Boys cause themselves to sin. But when a girl wears tight clothes to get guys to lust after her, she’s disrespecting herself and them by encouraging others to see parts of her instead of encountering all of her. Modesty respects a person’s dignity, and both teen boys and girls need to learn to respect themselves and others.

Lie #5: Living together is a great way to “test out” marriage.

I had a college classmate who compared living together before marriage with test-driving a car. You would never buy a car without testing it out first, right? The same goes for people, apparently. But people aren’t objects, and there is nothing you might learn while “test-driving” marriage that will make or break a relationship. Couples don’t get divorced because someone chews too loudly or leaves the toilet seat up. By focusing on the ins and outs of living together, couples lose sight of preparing for marriage in the ways that matter.

What lies about teenage dating do your kids believe and how are you trying to show them the truth?

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