Have you ever read The Velveteen Rabbit? There’s a quote in it that says,
You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.
The quote not only applies to myself, but to my marriage. It’s been so satisfying to watch my husband grow into the man he was designed to be. Ladies, look no further. The best husband is the one you already have—who, just like you, is still in the process of becoming. You have the opportunity to encourage your husband to become the best version of himself. Here’s how.
Recognize his gifts and boost his self-esteem.
Every single person is born with a gift or talent and it’s often found where their passions lie. Ask your husband what brings him joy. That’s a great way to figure out what his gifts are. For my husband, I have found that his love for really good food, cooking, and wine tasting has pointed in the direction of a gifting in hospitality.
Boosting his self-esteem in this area has helped him catch a glimpse of what I see and has spurred him on in this area of his life. If you want your husband to be the best husband he can be, spend some time finding out what brings him joy and build up his confidence.
Support his goals and invest in him.
If your husband is like mine, then there have been times he has zoned in on a passion and spent a lot of time pursuing it. My husband’s most recent endeavor was woodworking. He spent a lot of time in the garage sanding and polishing charcuterie boards to sell. I supported him by keeping the garage clean, hanging with the kids while he worked, keeping him company, and learning about the process—and also allowing him to drop some money on his newfound passion.
As wives, we have the opportunity to let our husbands be the best husbands they can be by helping them create space to pursue their passions. Support your husband and invest time, money, and service in him.
Hold him accountable.
Don’t underestimate the influence you carry in your husband’s life. As a wife, think of yourself as the first responder when your husband is slipping out of alignment from his core values. Because of the intimate nature of marriage, you’ll spot things before anyone else does—sometimes including your husband! You can speak truth and help him see what’s in his blind spots. Spending too much time at work? Not enough time with the kids? Or complaining more than usual? Don’t shy away from challenging conversations.
Even if he doesn’t receive what you have to say at first, take hope knowing you’ve planted a seed. He’ll still think about it and reflect on it and may even come back around and thank you for speaking that truth in his life.
How can you encourage your husband to be the best version of himself?
