My daughter drew a large circle with three dots inside and two lines poking out the bottom. She beamed at me. “It’s you!” she said. I inched closer to examine her paper. The little figure made me melt. Later, when she drew the same picture for a family friend, that person told her the figure needed arms, a torso, and basically a lot more detail. Then she took the crayon and showed my daughter how to do it. It aggravated me. My daughter was in preschool. She didn’t need to draw perfectly. Plus, I loved her amoeba people.
Too much correcting and criticizing can do more harm than good. Do you want to know how to build confidence in kids? Avoid perfectionism, and try embracing these 5 attitudes instead.
1. Messy helpers are better than no helpers.
In my early twenties, I made my first loaf of banana bread, stuck it in the oven, and immediately forgot about it. Later, during church, I remembered it when the congregation started singing, “One bread…One body…” Thankfully, I got to the bread before I set my apartment on fire.
I’m not the greatest chef or baker. Maybe that makes it easier for me to accept less than perfection from my sous chefs. They’re learning to measure and stir and they’re gaining confidence as they go. Did we use too much salt? Oops. Letting your kids know you don’t expect perfection will help them develop a growth mindset and will also give them confidence.
Letting your kids know you don't expect perfection will help them develop a growth mindset and will also give them confidence. Click To TweetAreas where you can let go of perfection: All the kids’ chores like making their beds, sweeping, and dusting, and, of course, in the kitchen
2. Trying counts.
Because I grew up playing the violin, I was super excited when my then 5-year-old showed interest. The day he mentioned playing, I stuck my fiddle under his chin and immediately shifted his wrist and feet into the right position. He stuck with violin for a few years, but because I insisted on perfect posture each time he played, he grew frustrated. If I could turn back time, I would’ve simply applauded him for trying and not expected too much too soon. I’m learning from my mistakes!
Areas where you can let go of perfection: New sports, handwriting, getting dressed, and anything you have a personal stake in
3. The journey matters more.
My daughter talks about her softball team with such fondness. She walked away from that experience with the confidence to play again next year not because she had a great batting average but because she had fun and made new friends. I can take a note from her playbook for sure. How to build confidence in kids has more to do with the joy of the journey than longing for perfect results.
Areas where you can let go of perfection: Your goals for your child, your image, and anything that has to do with what you might gain from your child’s success
4. It’s good enough.
A friend once told me she had her son rewrite my kid’s birthday card three times because of his crummy handwriting. Sometimes, it’s good to have our children follow through on what we’re teaching them. But other times, we should settle for “good enough.”
Pushing for perfection could damage your relationship with your child, and worse, it could damage a child’s confidence. According to licensed therapist Sharon Martin, “Demanding parenting erodes a child’s self-esteem. Children with demanding parents become extremely hard on themselves.” These kids constantly feel like they aren’t living up to their parents’ expectations or their own. This leaves them feeling like failures, or, at the very least, inadequate.
Areas where you can let go of perfection: Your kids’ grades or whether they make honors placement, the all-star team, or the school’s elite choir—check out our 16 Inspirational Quotes for Moms. They’re a good reminder that you’re doing hard work with your kids and no one’s perfect all the time. 
5. No one’s perfect.
Our kids learn from our cues. If we get upset when they don’t get the A or make the team, they’re going to think they need to earn our love by being perfect. But that shouldn’t be the case. Martin says, “Perfectionism is encouraged when children are praised excessively for their achievements rather than their efforts or progress.” Pushing my daughter to be the best softball player wouldn’t send the right message. But praising her efforts would. If you want to build your child’s confidence, be realistic, because no one’s perfect.
Areas where you can let go of perfection: Your child’s attendance record, service record, tardy record, or any other record that doesn’t allow for sickness, accidents, or other incidents that represent real life
Want to know how to build confidence in kids? Give them love and affection—especially when they do something imperfectly. A child with a good attitude who also puts forth good effort is going to be a much happier adult than a perfectionist who doesn’t ever seem to have enough confidence.
How do you build confidence in your kids?
