The day my husband and I came home from our honeymoon, I found out my family’s dog had died. Apparently, it happened the day we left, but my parents hadn’t wanted to ruin our trip, so they didn’t tell me until we got back. I was devastated. That night, as I lay in our new queen bed in my parents’ house, I cried until I fell asleep. I had mourned the deaths of each of our family dogs, but this one was different. This time, I wasn’t crying myself to sleep alone—I fell asleep in my husband’s arms instead.
If you ask someone older and wiser how to grow closer to your husband, she might tell you to relish the joyful moments. Obviously, we all look forward to sharing positive experiences like wedding anniversaries, births, and new homes. But it’s also a gift to be able to share life’s challenges. Here are 3 things you might try to avoid but that turn out to be surprising opportunities to grow closer to your husband.
1. Making Difficult Decisions
My husband worked two jobs for more than five years to make sure we could make ends meet while I stayed at home with our kids. He hated his second job, but it paid well, and he could do it from home. My husband endured that job for years before he finally admitted he really wanted to quit. We knew quitting would mean tightening the budget and putting off some home improvement projects, but it also meant extra time at home as a family. It would be a sacrifice in some ways, but we decided the benefits outweighed the costs. We dedicated an entire month to weighing the pros and cons and praying about our decision, and by the end of that time, we knew my husband should quit his second job.
Sometimes a difficult decision leads to sacrifice, but it’s easier to make sacrifices when you’re doing it for the good of your marriage or family. We missed being able to eat out at restaurants and buy gifts for each other, but home-cooked meals (and all the dishes that come with them) and having my husband working less meant more quality time with each other, which deepened our relationship.
Sometimes a difficult decision leads to sacrifice, but it’s easier to make sacrifices when you’re doing it for the good of your marriage or family. Click To Tweet2. Experiencing Setbacks
I met a woman at the playground whose son was in a wheelchair because of a broken leg. She told me her son had gotten hurt while playing under her husband’s supervision. Apparently, he looked away for a few seconds, and when he looked back, he saw his son tumble from the second story of the play gym. Their son needed surgery and weeks of physical therapy to heal, and the mom admitted she’d been tempted to blame her husband. Instead, she chose to show him mercy; she knew it just as easily could have been her. They worked together to take care of him and get him to therapy and doctors’ appointments, and their teamwork paid off. Not only was their son getting better, but they also felt closer to each other.
By working as a team, couples can grow closer to each other even after experiencing a setback like the loss of a job, needing to downsize, acquiring additional debt, or facing a new illness or injury. Couples might be tempted to blame each other for any inconveniences that come with the setback, but with understanding and teamwork, couples can grow closer.
3. Personal Suffering
After our daughter was born, my husband and I learned that we probably wouldn’t be able to have any more kids. We’d always dreamed of having a big family, but my infertility diagnosis changed everything. In the months that followed, we talked a lot, prayed a lot, and cried a lot. Well, I cried a lot, but even my husband shed a few tears. We both felt vulnerable as we mourned our lost dreams, shared our deepest fears and anxieties, and began to create new dreams for our family. The more we shared, the closer we felt to each other. Our vulnerability led to deeper intimacy.
When was the last time a bad experience led you and your husband to grow closer as a couple?
