I walked into our living room to see my daughter reading on the floor in a puddle of pee. It was our third day of potty training and her fifth pair of underwear that day. As I ran her to the bathroom, I passed my husband. He could’ve said “I told you so,” but he didn’t. Instead, he silently began treating the stain on our carpet, and once again, I found myself so grateful that we were in this together, no matter how badly it was going.
Three days prior, I’d told him I was taking away our daughter’s diapers. He’d voiced a few concerns, but after talking it over, we decided to give it a shot. After we did, we both questioned our decision. But it was our decision, and we were committed to facing the consequences together. In marriage, it’s better to be wrong together than right alone. Here’s why.
In marriage, it’s better to be wrong together than right alone. Click To Tweet1. You can trust that no one will say “I told you so.”
When couples make decisions together and commit to being right or wrong together, we don’t have to worry about anyone pointing fingers or saying “I told you so” if things don’t work out. We can feel more confident in our parenting when we can count on our husbands to support us. When we know they won’t be smug in the face of failure, it gives us more freedom—the freedom to admit when something’s not working and the freedom to remain committed to our course of action if things get difficult. When we make a decision together, we know we won’t hold mistakes over each other’s heads.
2. Presenting a united front to the kids provides security.
Children easily pick up on discord between their parents. They’ll feel more secure when neither parent undermines the other, enforcing the same household rules, doling out the same forms of discipline, and holding the same expectations for their children. We give our kids security when they know what they can expect from us.
3. Being right or wrong together prevents pride from rearing its ugly head.
Whenever my husband and I disagree about a particular parenting choice and I end up being right, there’s a temptation to be prideful. But one right decision doesn’t make me a perfect mother, and a lack of humility can cause resentment to grow between a husband and wife. When we approach our parenting as a team, however, there isn’t as much room for pride, and we more easily can see the benefits of working together to raise our children.
4. You can feel comfortable making and learning from your mistakes.
When a couple makes decisions together, they can feel more comfortable exploring different parenting techniques, discipline practices, and household expectations. After weeks of unsuccessfully trying to toilet train our daughter with Pull-Ups, I was willing to try something new, even if it could lead to stained carpets and extra laundry. We can feel comfortable trying new things and making mistakes when we know our husbands will support us if things get messy.
5. Unity will strengthen your marriage.
The unity that my husband and I experienced in the wake of our failed attempt at toilet-training our daughter was an unforeseen but beautiful consequence of our decision to risk being wrong together. Even as I hauled down another load of laundry and my husband scrubbed another stain, I felt at peace with our decision. I was happy. Yes, I was frustrated, and yes, my new toilet-training technique seemed to be a failure, but I wasn’t alone.
We could laugh and cry together. And as anyone who has ever toilet trained a child knows, the only way not to cry over stained carpets and clothes is to laugh about them, and laughter is best shared.
What are some ways you and your husband can adopt the better-to-be-wrong-together approach to marriage and parenting?
