Not tryin’ to brag, but I watched all seven seasons of Gilmore Girls in less than six months. I was newly single and had time on my hands after the kids went to bed. That show was magical—the quaint town, the endless coffee, the witty banter, the quirky neighbors. I loved that the focus was a happy single-parent home.
It’s different from the image we see in other media of a single-parent home that’s constantly stressed or lacking something. Sure, it’s hard to manage everything without the help of a spouse, but creating a happy single-parent home is a goal worth aiming for. Here are 7 ways to bring happiness into your home today.
1. Have a routine.
You thought I was going to start with tickles, cookies, or a nightly dance party. All those things can put smiles on faces, but a routine is the secret sauce for happiness. Research shows routines provide structure and predictability, help kids feel secure, encourage healthy habits, foster independence, and reduce stress and anxiety.
Having a routine in a single-parent home might seem like a tall order, especially if you’re running on all cylinders until your head hits the pillow. But little things like singing a song while everyone brushes their teeth, eating dinner at the table a couple times a week, or waking up on Saturdays and watching old episodes of Tom and Jerry together can make a difference.
2. Practice good conflict resolution.
Every home has conflicts. If you’ve made it to the other side of a conflict in a productive, healthy way, you know it can be good and lead to stronger bonds between family members. As the parent, you can guide your kids in how to fight well. If you’re not sure how to do it (we’re all still learning) here are great resources on how to listen well, reduce family conflict, and disagree respectfully.
3. Spend quality time together.
Some people describe my younger son as quiet, but that’s not true. When I get him alone, say at his favorite shaved ice shop, the kid doesn’t stop talking. When he gets quality time with me, he gets to be himself. A happy home is one where time together is a priority, and where kids feel like Mom enjoys being with them.
4. Take care of yourself.
A happy mom makes a happy home, but you have zero time, little money, and your energy level is depleted. The last thing you feel like putting effort into is drawing a bubble bath or taking a walk to get some fresh air. It’s just easier to sit on the couch and watch another episode of Is It Cake? Stop trying to care for yourself the way others say you should. You know best what brings you peace or rest. Do that, but make sure you’re mentally present and enjoy it.
Stop trying to care for yourself the way others say you should. You know best what brings you peace or rest. Click To Tweet5. Double down on positivity.
When you’re parenting alone and are stressed, it’s easy to become overly critical of yourself and your kids. But research shows that for a healthy relationship, the ratio of positive to negative interactions should be at least five to one—five positive interactions for every negative one. A bonus: When I speak to my kids in ways that encourage, I feel better. That overflows to everyone else because my attitude sets the tone for the whole house
So look for good behavior to reward and praise. Positive reinforcement can go a long way in building a happy home.
6. Create fun traditions.
Are you already feeling stressed by this idea? The word “tradition” can feel cumbersome, so keep this simple. When my kids were toddlers and we moved in with my parents after my divorce, my dad was in charge of bathtime. He’d sing “That’s Amore” with them as he dumped water over their heads. Tradition! Now, 10 years later, he takes them for frozen custard after school on Fridays. Tradition! Traditions are little sprinkles of fun that make everyone smile.
7. Always choose love.
Choose love when your kids lash out in anger or when you’re considering the words you say about their father. Hug your children as much as they’ll let you. Say “I love you” so much they respond with “I knoooow, Mom.” Encourage your kids to treat each other like friends, not just annoying siblings. When a home is filled with love, it’s hard not to be happy.
What makes a home a happy one?
