There was a fascinating brain scan study focused on married couples who reported being madly in love after an average of 21 years. One of the commonalities of these happy couples’ brains was an area of the brain responsible for positive illusion. Positive illusion is the ability to focus on what you love about your husband and not focus on what you don’t. This positive illusion does so much for you and your husband, including providing higher personal and marital satisfaction.
Whether these happy couples’ brains are just naturally wired that way or it was a learned behavior, you can take a cue from them and work on seeing the best in your husband. It’s crucial to know how we characterize our spouses because we operate as if it’s the truth. That’s important because how you think about your husband will determine how you treat your husband. When you are frustrated with your husband, repeat this to yourself, out loud when possible: “See the best.” Then consider what that means. To get a jump start on this practice, answer the following 5 questions and keep this list easily accessible by taking a screenshot of it and keeping it on your phone.
1. What is noble about your husband?
It’s easy to get caught up in the pace and pettiness of what frustrates you about your husband. Remembering what is noble helps you to better respect him and let go of the things that don’t matter.
2. What is right about your relationship?
If you are a natural problem solver, you are wired to look for problems to fix! Remembering what is right about your relationship helps you to focus less on problems and more on what you love about your marriage.
3. What is admirable about your husband?
Chances are your day doesn’t provide a natural opportunity to ponder what you admire about your husband. However, stopping and making the time is worth it. When you remember what is admirable about him, it will help you remember to treat him in an admirable way.
4. What is excellent about your husband?
A good starting place is to think about the things he does much better than you. Remembering what is excellent about your husband will almost certainly lead to more gratitude for your husband.
5. What is praiseworthy about your husband?
It is easy to see what is worthy to criticize about your husband. But when you remember what is praiseworthy about him, it is super glue for your marriage.
When you remember what is true, noble, and right about your husband, petty things matter less. His mistakes simply don’t matter as much. You can more easily let go of the trivial stuff that steals the joy from both of you. Don’t let the things that don’t matter, matter to your marriage. Let the things you love about your husband block the views of the things you don’t.
Let the things you love about your husband block the views of the things you don’t. Click To TweetWhat is your favorite thing about your husband’s character?
