Have you ever observed a group of teenage girls taking selfies? It’s pretty funny to watch. There’s a lot of getting that exact angle of the phone and the precise head tilt. Then it stops being funny when you realize how badly those girls are striving for a perfect photo and are so focused on themselves that they aren’t experiencing the joy of the moment. In this episode, Abby shares a story from a friend who’s an event planner. She organized a sweet 16 party that had three different photo opps for the party-goers. It started a conversation about how it feels like phones and social media are working against a parent who’s trying not to raise a self-centered kid.
Teaching kids to be others-centered starts when they’re little. Moms can do that through little things like finding opportunities to help people and pointing out why other people matter. Susan gave a great example of encouraging Megan’s son James to thank the people who came to his birthday party as they left. Another way to avoid raising a self-centered kid is by resisting overindulgence. If you’re not sure what overindulgence looks like in real-world parenting, it’s lack of limit-setting, lack of balance between discipline and praise, inability to say and mean “no,” belief that the child should not lack for anything, lack of adherence to rules and assignment of responsibilities in the home, and high tolerance for back-talk, verbal challenges, and disrespectful behavior in the name of building assertiveness and independence.
If your sweet little one has become a self-centered teen, don’t worry too much. Due to hormonal changes, it is developmentally normal for teenagers to go through a self-absorbed or self-centered stage. They’re producing more oxytocin receptors, which affect the emotional side of their brains and can cause them to be self-focused. During these years, they’re also trying to figure out who they are apart from their parents.
No matter your child’s age, you can help them grow in character. After all, it’s easier to think about what you want to grow in your kids rather than what you want to avoid. So think of the traits that counteract self-centeredness and work on those. Our Character Trait Builder printables can help!
Articles We Mentioned
6 Ways to Teach Your Children to Be Unselfish
5 Ways to Tell if You’re Raising Entitled Kids
Printables We Think You’ll Like
How do you encourage your kids to be less self-centered?
