Someone asked me which transition was more difficult—going from no babies to one or one baby to two. Without hesitation, I picked none to one. Not only was becoming a mother a huge adjustment, but that 4th trimester was tear-filled for both him and me.
The 4th trimester is the 12-week period after your baby is born. Like the first three trimesters, there’s still a ton of development happening with your baby. But unlike the first three, he’s crying, spitting up, and requiring diaper changes! It’s wild and crazy, but if you try a few of these 7 things, it can also be a beautiful time you’ll always cherish.
1. Ask for help.
Don’t fall for the lie that you’re supposed to know how to do everything just because you’re a woman. I saw a lactation consultant after my first son was born, and it made a world of difference. It was like hitting a reset button while also being assured everything’s gonna be OK.
Whatever you’re struggling with—nursing, laundry, physical pain, depression—asking for help is not admitting defeat. It’s admitting you’re human.
2. Mimic the womb.
Imagine moving from a cozy, quiet, dark space into one with endless space, bright lights, barking dogs, and strangers touching you. I’d cry, too. Dr. Harvey Karp, author of Happiest Baby on the Block, suggests giving your baby a comforting, secure 4th trimester with womb sensations like soft touch, snug holding, and calm shushing.
3. Lower some of your standards.
If mimicking the womb is a way to give your newborn comfort, cutting yourself some slack is a method to bring comfort to yourself. Order takeout, eat off paper plates, and let the house get messy. If you feel at peace when the house is in order, designate 10 minutes after the baby goes down for a nap to do a mini pickup. Then rest.
4. Give your body time to recover.
Your body went through the wringer to deliver your baby, so what’s the right amount of time to wait to start exercising or having sex? That’s a personal decision that shouldn’t be influenced by friends or social media influencers. In a 2012 study on postpartum sexual function in women, 90% resumed intercourse by 12 weeks postpartum. Do you need to wait longer? Then wait. Do you want to start to exercise but still feel achy? Listen to your body, and take it easy.
5. Rethink food.
Eliminate the phrase “pre-baby weight” from your vocabulary during the 4th trimester, and look at food through a new lens. Food is fuel more than ever before. If you’re breastfeeding, you need extra calories, and all new moms need proper nutrition to help their bodies recover, so the food you take in matters. Aim for high fiber, vitamin B6, seeds and grains, and healthy fats. And the occasional bowl of ice cream wouldn’t hurt.
Eliminate the phrase pre-baby weight from your vocabulary during the 4th trimester, and look at food through a new lens. Click To Tweet6. Learn and accept the importance of sleep.
Sleep deprivation can exacerbate symptoms of postpartum depression, so naps are essential. But choosing to nap (even if you’re exhausted) can be a challenge for new moms. The baby’s naptime might be the only time you feel a sense of normalcy. But rethink the nap. Instead of looking at it as robbing you of time to yourself, consider what rest gives you: time for your body and mind to recover.
And you might think your baby is sleeping a lot, but that’s her job in the 4th trimester. The awake window, or the maximum amount of time a baby should be kept awake, might surprise you. For a 1-month-old, it’s 45 minutes; for a 2-month-old, it’s 60 minutes; and for a 3-month-old, it’s 75 minutes. Back to bed, baby!
7. Engage with your newborn.
This tiny person might have been growing inside of your body for most of the past year, but now that she’s out, there’s a lot for you to learn about her, and vice versa. Take time every day to look at her features. Talk to her about her daddy, her grandparents, and the world around her. Listen to her gurgles and coos. Smile at her and make eye contact. You’ll never have her attention like this again, so make the most of these moments.
What’s the most challenging part of the 4th trimester? What’s the greatest gift?
