Lately, I’ve noticed my daughter seems to flip from sweet to sour a few times per day. Sometimes it’s moment to moment. For example, this morning, she didn’t want to get up and go to swim practice. She got so angry with me! But then, she leapt out of bed and flew toward me and… gave me a hug. Whaaaat? OK, she’s being sweet. Later in the day, when I asked if she wanted a snack, she gave me a clipped “no, thanks” along with narrowed eyes. What did I do? Now she’s sour. It’s hard to keep up with my moody teen.
When your child’s sour, it can be discouraging because you know how sweet and kind she can be. But if the sour is happening more than it should, it might help to support a moody teen in these 5 ways.
1. Get her more sleep.
My teen would argue she doesn’t get enough sleep, even when she sleeps in on a Saturday. If your teen’s up late doing homework, scrolling social media, or reading a good book, chances are she’s going to feel tired the next day, and this could be a cause for her moodiness.
Johns Hopkins sleep expert Laura Sterni, MD, says puberty, in part, causes teens to experience “a natural shift in circadian rhythm” and this makes it harder for them to fall asleep before 11 p.m. Then, with an early school start, teens struggle to stay awake. Pediatrician Michael Crocetti recommends teens take a nap before dinner to ward off mood swings, depression, and potential accidents. He says it’s a “better fix” than sleeping in, which throws off the sleep cycle. Plus, a well-rested teen is less likely to be a moody teen.
2. Prune a too-busy schedule.
My son’s even-keeled demeanor changed around the same time his schedule filled up in high school. Tough classes during the day and sports or music lessons in the evenings made for more than a little sourness throughout the week. Because honors geometry caused a lot of angst, he decided to drop down to regular geometry, and his mood lifted substantially.
Even if your teen’s getting enough sleep, he may still have a sour attitude because he’s overwhelmed. Talk with him about what he can cut from his busy schedule. Maybe that club or team he’s only half-interested in can go.
3. Stay firm with rules.
At 16 and 13, my kids look like young adults, but they’re still growing and changing every day. The prefrontal cortex—the part of the brain that controls emotions—won’t stop developing until they’re in their 20s. So, it’s no surprise that one minute they can be sweet to one another and the next, scrappy and sour.
Though it can be exhausting keeping up with a moody teen or two, it’s important to stick to the house rules. It’s not time to give in to more screen time or relax the rules on behavior because your kids look older. Inside, they’re still learning what’s right and wrong and need you to guide them and keep them in check.
4. Get to the root of the problem.
“Did something happen at school today?” I asked my daughter. My newly minted teen sometimes needed prodding to open up. But after some cuddling, I discovered a group project at school had been stressing her out.
If your teen’s quiet, or likes to retreat to her room, it may take more effort to figure out whether she’s experiencing normal teenage moodiness or something else. But it’s worth the risk of being “annoying” to find out about things like bullying, friend issues, or even depression. If you’re concerned about her mental health, bring it up with your child’s pediatrician.
A moody teen who’s sweet one minute and sour the next may just need to know he’s normal and that what he’s going through is OK. Click To Tweet5. Validate your teen and empathize.
“I don’t know why I’m feeling sad, but I am,” my son said one evening. Instead of launching into a lecture, I sat quietly next to him and rubbed his back. “I’m sorry, sweetheart,” I said. I could feel the rise and fall of his breath beneath my palm and a few minutes later, he returned to his school work. Our teens can experience a wide range of emotions in a single day—anything from exuberance to deep sadness. He may not want to open up right away about why he’s feeling the way he is, but knowing you’re there for him can go a long way.
Instead of responding with advice, just listen. Let him talk and empathize with how he feels. A moody teen who’s sweet one minute and sour the next may just need to know he’s normal and that what he’s going through is OK.
What helps your moody teen get through the day?
