“My hands are itching to build something,” my daughter said at bedtime. I leaned over and gave her a hug. “You just got a new LEGO.” Her eyes twinkling, she explained she’d already built it and really wanted a new challenge. “I have money,” she added. I loved her passion for LEGOs and had no doubt building complicated sets has its benefits. But I guessed that if I sat down and played with her and the LEGOs she already owned, she’d be just as happy. I resolved to do that the following day.
We want to give our kids the world. But instead of filling their bedrooms with cool gadgets in the coming months, let’s focus on the stuff that will actually define their childhood—the intangible gifts. What do kids want? They want these 7 things that don’t cost a cent.
1. More Time With Us
“Mom, it’s not the same without you!” my son said. I thought I could sneak off while my kids played a board game. But I got caught.
We don’t have to spend every waking moment with our kids. In fact, it’s good for kids to play on their own. But you are their favorite person. No matter how old your kids get, they want time with you. So, find the right balance. Give them the gift of your time and undivided attention. Kids gain so much from spending time with you!
2. Our Self-Discipline and Empathy
We all blow up now and then and say stuff we regret later. It’s a yucky feeling. But Michael Delman, the author of Your Kid’s Gonna Be Okay, says, “[W]e have to minimize what at times may be our natural inclination toward judgment, sarcasm, threats, bribes, punishments and other harsh tools that seem to be our only options when we’re tired and frustrated.” If you work on self-discipline and give your kids more empathy, they too will learn to handle life’s hurdles better.
3. Downtime
They probably won’t ask for it, but kids need a break from fast-paced video games and interactive toys. Because technology has taken on such a big role in our lives, kids have gotten used to constant stimulation and instant gratification. But breaks are good. Pediatric psychologist Laura Hlavaty at Akron Children’s Hospital says, “Studies show kids that have regular downtime are more creative, focused, energized, independent, can self-soothe and solve problems in innovative ways.”
4. Loving Responses
I’ve baffled my kids more than once by saying “I love you” in a calm, even way when they argue or give me attitude. They become deer in headlights, lost for words. They’re not typically the first words that run through my mind, but since I adopted this response, we’ve had less of those long, agonizing conversations we used to have. Dr. Charles Fay from the Love and Logic Institute recommends that parents become a loving broken record by saying, “I love you too much to argue.”
Kids also want hugs! Use our Hug a Day printable for some creative ways to snuggle your little one.
5. Consistency and Limits
What do kids want? One more cookie? Five more minutes? When we consistently set limits, we teach kids self-control. It’s one of the hardest things to do because we want to make our children happy. But if we do the tough stuff now, our kids will learn boundaries and how to regulate themselves. It’ll make life easier for them in the long run as no one likes to be around a self-centered teen or adult.
6. Second Chances and Do-Overs
“Try that again,” I said. Giving my son a second chance to speak to me in a more respectful tone teaches him how to behave in the moment. Rather than jumping straight to discipline, I’m allowing space for do-overs. If your child tries to grab something, say, “Try again using ‘please.’” Apply this strategy on toddlers up through teens. You may find your kids are grateful for the gift of second chances because they’re learning what’s acceptable quicker. And you’re showing them grace, which is something we’d like our kids to extend to others as well.
You may find your kids are grateful for the gift of second chances because they’re learning what’s acceptable quicker. Click To Tweet7. Our Support
“Being a kid is hard,” my mom once said. Sometimes people aren’t nice. Sometimes we try hard and still fail. But when our kids know they have a shoulder to cry on, open arms to fall into, and a mom who’ll always listen, they’re going to feel more confident in being themselves.
What do kids want? Your support when she chooses dance over swimming. Support when he wants to drop piano—he doesn’t have to continue just to please you. When you validate your kid’s feelings and support her interests, she feels your love. Isn’t that the best gift of all?
Love. Acceptance. Faith. Kids want and need a lot. What do kids want that isn’t on this list?
