You know how some guys are loyal to one brand of car? My husband’s heart is with Jeep. He drove one when we started dating, and then swapped it out for a Mini Cooper (big leap, I know). Despite liking the Mini, he constantly said, “I want a Jeep again.” I surprised him on his birthday one year by renting a Jeep for the day. We took a long drive to the beach, and he was on cloud nine—until we stopped for lunch.
I can’t even remember what the fight was about. Isn’t that the case with a lot of big fights? But at one point, he said, “So much for this being a good birthday.” I was crushed. His words made me feel like none of my thoughtfulness mattered. So what do you do when your husband says hurtful things? If I could get a redo of that day, I would’ve said one of these 3 things.
1. “Let’s try a do-over.”
My response to my husband’s comment was, “Did you seriously just say that?” That just poured gasoline on the fire. It challenged him to prove his point that his birthday was ruined. If, instead, I’d calmly said, “Let’s try a do-over,” it would’ve communicated that he’d hurt me and given him a chance to rethink and rephrase.
When your husband says hurtful things, saying “let’s try a do-over” tells him you understand he has something important to say, but you feel attacked or hurt. It prevents disrespect or sarcasm from creeping into the conversation more than it maybe already has.
2. “Those words are hurtful.”
Some guys aren’t very good at thinking before they speak. Same goes for some women for that matter. Married people often drop the pleasantries and become brutally honest. Has your husband ever said, “You’re wearing that?” Or maybe you’ve put time and effort into a fancy dinner only to have him say, “I really wanted tacos tonight.”
The tongue is a powerful weapon the wielding person often doesn’t realize he’s used. Many women swallow the hurt to avoid an argument or not look over-sensitive, but you have to be honest about how the words make you feel or they’re just going to keep coming.
The tongue is a powerful weapon the wielding person often doesn’t realize he’s used. Click To Tweet3. Nothing.
What to do when your husband says hurtful things depends on the situation. The kids might be around or you might be hangry, and silence could be the option that results in the least damage. Firing insults or taking jabs at each other will unleash words that can’t be taken back. This takes a lot of self-control, so have a go-to buffer comment. “I’m going to need a moment” or “OK. I’m not going to respond to that right now.”
Not every argument or conflict is going to get wrapped up with a pretty bow, but because you’re committed to your marriage, you know you’ll return to it later with a clearer head and less emotion.
What do you do when your husband says hurtful things?
