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5 Places to Meet When You Get in a Fight With Your Husband 

Have you ever seen a movie about a couple trying to decide whether they want to work out their problem or call it quits, and they agree to a meetup? The arrangement is something like, “If we still want to be together, we’ll meet on the bridge one month from today at 8 p.m. sharp.” Usually, there is some miscommunication or traffic jam that causes one party to run late and have to borrow a bike or hop on the roofs of taxi cabs.

The trope is sweet and funny (when it works out), but in real life, marital conflict has to be dealt with more immediately and practically. I mean, what do you do if you don’t have a picturesque bridge in your town? One thing the movies get right, though, is the act of reconnecting after a big fight. Instead of a bridge, try meeting in one of these 5 places after your next spat with your husband.

1. Meet on his side.

One night, during a fight that refused to end, my husband said to me, “You know what? I love you more than I love being right.” He laid down his weapons and said, “I see your point and I’m sorry for acting the way I did.” I don’t think he totally agreed with me, but coming to my side of the disagreement softened the hard edges on both of us.

No one likes giving in. If we didn’t care about being right, we wouldn’t be arguing in the first place. But what I learned from my husband’s example is that sometimes, calling a truce and reconnecting after a big fight requires that you swallow your pride and let him have the win.

2. Meet in the middle.

My mom once told me, “It’s better to bend a little than to break.” She and my dad have been married for 48 years, so compromising must be working for them. If you’re prone to storming out of the room before an argument is settled, try reconnecting after a fight by coming back to somewhere in the middle.

Say you have a house project that’s been on your list for weeks, but your husband has a hot date with his recliner, some chicken wings, and the NBA Finals. Instead of saying you want him for the whole day because that’s the only way the project will get done, try, “I know you want to watch the game later today, so maybe we can get that project started now and you can break at tip-off.” Being the first to budge isn’t easy, but you’ll never reach a compromise if neither of you is willing to take a step in the other’s direction.

Being the first to budge isn’t easy, but you’ll never reach a compromise if neither of you is willing to take a step in the other’s direction. Click To Tweet

3. Meet in an embrace.

Researchers from Carnegie Mellon University found that people who touch each other more frequently have improved relationships because they often hug after fighting. The people in the study who hugged on the same day they had a conflict were more likely to report feeling better than those who didn’t. They also reported the effects lasting into the next day.

Next time you’re trying to reconnect after a fight, try a minute-long hug. Sync up your breaths and just be present with one another.

4. Meet later.

My husband is quick to apologize when we’ve settled a disagreement. I feel bad, but sometimes I need more time before I can offer a sincere apology in return. He knows I process my feelings a little more slowly than he does, and he’s come to learn that “not right now” doesn’t mean “not ever.”

Meeting at a later time gives you both room to breathe, think, and get into the right headspace. There’s nothing wrong with delaying a resolution or a make-up. Just be sure you both agree that you’ll come back together and not let the issue get swept under the rug.

5. Meet in prayer.

Not every couple is comfortable praying together, especially if you’ve just been in a shouting match. If that’s you, it’s OK. Try telling your husband, “I’m upset and I think in order to handle this the right way, I need to stop and go for a walk and pray. I’d love it if you would do the same and we could come back together in a few minutes.”

Ask for self-control, peace, patience, and understanding. I bet you’ll get what you ask for and more.

What’s another way to reconnect during or after a fight with your husband?

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When you get in a fight with someone, how do you like to make up?

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