Having the last word in a fight doesn’t really end the fight, does it? It may get you and your husband to stop arguing and go to bed, but the fight’s still there. In fact, it’s right there with you and your morning coffee the next day. But before that happens, you have to get through the night. But it’s so hard to sleep if I’m miffed at my husband. My mind keeps replaying what he said and what I said. And then, when I do finally succumb to sleep, the alarm sounds too early, jarring me awake. When I stumble out of bed to the bathroom and remember the reason I went to bed angry, my usual morning joe is no longer enjoyable—or it won’t be until we resolve our fight.
Wanting to have the last word just seems to make things worse. Instead of prolonging a heated discussion with your hubby, try switching gears from anger to empathy. To get there and truly end the next fight with your husband peacefully, try using one or two of these 7 lines.
1. I’ll think about it.
“Why don’t we host the dinner this year?” my husband asked. I couldn’t imagine 40 people in our house. We went back and forth over it. I’ll spare you the details, but in the end, I told him I’d think about it. And the conversation stopped for the time being.
Sometimes it’s more helpful to stop the argument than to get your way in the moment. Revisiting the topic later could give you both a better perspective too.
Sometimes it’s more helpful to stop the argument than to get your way in the moment. Click To Tweet2. You might be right.
I’ve always had a hard time realizing my husband’s right during an argument. But afterward, I’ve often concluded that he’s had a point. So now, if I can muster these tough words, I can give him the benefit of the doubt, just to end the debate. It satisfies him, but also buys me more time to think through the issue.
It takes humility, but acknowledging the other person might be right can also give you the satisfaction of having the last word.
3. I see what you mean.
Most of the time, arguments stem from wanting the other person to understand—and agree with—your point of view. Even if you can’t get fully onboard with what he’s saying (“Football’s a great sport for kids!”), you can end the conversation (for now), by letting him know you hear him.
“Football players get a lot of exercise and it’s a social sport. I see what you mean.” Later, you can present your side of the argument when you’ve both calmed down.
4. Now I understand.
Try not to sound sarcastic! Having the last word is great, but if your tone comes across as biting (Oh! Now I understand!), complete with a full-on eyeroll, I almost guarantee your husband will have a rejoinder.
If you truly want to have the last word and stun your husband into silence, nod slightly, and with wide, open eyes say, “Now I understand.”
5. I forgive you.
Let’s pretend for a minute your husband has done something egregious. He forgot to pick up your child from preschool. Or maybe he burned the dinner because he was goofing around on his phone and not paying attention. A fight ensues. The argument begins to go off the rails and you realize all you want to do is take a hot shower and go to bed. But you know that won’t happen if this argument continues. Have the last word and shock your husband with your magnanimity: “I forgive you.”
I guarantee he’ll feel loved when you say it. Why? Because you’re extending grace. It’s a win-win for the team.
6. I’m wrong.
Oh boy. No one wants to admit to being wrong. But when you do, a part of you grows. Imagine a little seedling in your heart. If you’re arguing with your husband, that seedling starts to wither. When you offer humility and grace, that little seedling straightens up, as if the sun’s come out. “Hey, I guess I’m wrong.” It’s amazing how that feels when something inside you begins to flourish.
No kid enjoys seeing his parents fight. But every kid can learn how to end an argument with respect and kindness if you’re willing to admit when you’re wrong.
7. I’m sorry.
How can two words be so simple yet so hard to say? You can be sorry for blaming your husband. You can be sorry for yelling. Whatever the case, these two words can go a long way.
It’s hard to continue arguing with a person who says “I’m sorry.” Get the last word during your next argument. You won’t look bad in front of your kids for apologizing. In fact, my guess is, you’ll look pretty great.
How important is having the last word to you?
