“Oh, hey there,” I said to my husband. I’d been busy working on math with my daughter and hadn’t heard the door. “Have a good day?” I stood and went to kiss him, but his phone rang, the insistent buzz separating us. “Sorry,” he said, frowning at the screen. “I have to take this.” He turned and left, his voice filling the hall. I knew he couldn’t help it, but I felt annoyed in that moment.
I tried to see things from his perspective. But we’re human! So, when these things happen, it’s natural to feel disappointed or upset. But lashing out isn’t a great response. And being a better wife at times like these takes strength. We can’t control others, but we can work on ourselves. Following these 10 tendencies of a lovable wife is a good place to start.
1. She chooses to be kind over being right.
My husband let our kids stay up late to watch a movie, and the next day, the kids had a hard time getting up for school. I’d told him it wasn’t a good idea, and it turned out I was right. But being a better wife means choosing kindness. So, I stifled the urge to say something.
2. She shows respect for her husband.
In a Focus on the Family article, Shaunti Feldhahn says that “love feels like respect to men.” In her research, Feldhahn found that men need to feel “your trust and admiration.” It makes them feel loved. So, I decided to look for more opportunities to show respect for my husband in front of the kids. “Your dad works so hard,” I said to them last night. “Let’s let him rest. Please clear his plate and help me clean up.” It takes effort, especially when you’re worn out from the grind of parenting, but the smile of appreciation I got from my husband let me know it was worth it.
3. She prioritizes time spent with him.
There’s always a lot going on. But being a better wife and nurturing my relationship with my husband is important to me. I’m going to try harder to carve out time each day to be with him because I don’t want us to become strangers years from now.
4. She makes the relationship more important than criticism.
Sometimes, I can’t keep my mouth shut when my husband drives. But I’ve realized criticizing him hurts our relationship. So what if he’s a little crooked when he parks?
5. She gives grace rather than blame.
Giving another person grace is an act of mercy. Letting go of blame is also an act of love. If being a better wife is important to you, this is a great first step for a more loving relationship.
6. She shows solidarity with him in front of the kids.
Showing a united front is important when the kids are watching. If you disagree with each other, it’s OK to bring up the topic later behind closed doors. But holding your tongue in the moment shows you value your relationship with your husband more than the issue itself.
7. She listens with undivided attention more than not.
Being lovable also means being available. We’re so busy, often trying to do several things at once. But putting down the phone and looking at him while he speaks is going to draw you closer together.
8. She creates emotional intimacy.
Being a better wife means creating opportunities for you and your husband to close any emotional distance that’s grown between you over the years. As relationship coach Lisa Arango says, “We can physically be standing right next to someone and yet be miles apart emotionally.” If you don’t already, start sharing your thoughts, hopes, and dreams with each other.
9. She relaxes and has fun with him.
I love snuggling up with my husband on the bleachers at Friday night football games. We watch our son in the marching band and catch up with each other between plays. We’re there to support our son, yes, but we’re also there for each other. Whether you have regular date nights or Netflix nights, make sure to find time to relax and enjoy each other. Having fun together is important! Print out our 14 Day “What If…” Marriage Challenge for some inspiration this month!
Having fun with your husband is important! Click To Tweet10. She shows physical attraction to him and gives affection.
A lovable wife makes her husband feel loved too. Do you let him know you find him attractive? Do you give affection freely? Do you still tell him you love him? Arango says not just to imply that you love him. Actually saying you love him is “’oxygen for the relationship.” It feeds it and keeps it alive.
None of us can hit all these markers every day. Being a better wife or just trying to be the best we can is what matters. Which points do you think are the hardest?
