Last year, at a graduation party for my best friend’s son, I heard people congratulate her. “You made it!” they said. She smiled and held back tears. “Making it” to graduation meant a change in her identity as a mom. A month later, I checked in to ask how she was handling her new adult. She said nothing was different. He still asks for money, and he still picks fights with his brothers.
Moms see 18 as a marker for adulthood. Some of us dread this day and pray for time to slow down. Others are counting down until we feel a sense of freedom and achievement. Whether you like it or not, parenting doesn’t stop at 18 or on graduation day. Here are 8 reasons why.
1. The problems become more consequential.
In my sophomore year, I broke my finger the day before homecoming. It was my first school dance, and I was so upset that it wasn’t going to be “perfect.” My mom found a silver and blue splint that matched my dress. Crisis averted!
In college, a new set of problems meant longer lasting consequences: debt, changing a major, balancing a part-time job with a full course load. I needed my parents more than ever.
2. You’re getting a new job title.
When your daughter moves out after graduation, you might not have to remind her to pick up her dirty clothes, but you could find yourself fielding phone calls about which laundry detergent to buy.
I’ve heard many moms say the transition from caregiver to consultant is uncomfortable at first but eventually leads to a deeper bond with their kids.
3. Age is just a number.
Eighteen feels like a marker for adulthood, but there’s no magic transformation on a kid’s last night of 17. Like drinking at age 21 or driving at 16, there are lessons leading up to and following the age that contribute to forming a child’s maturity, and you’re your child’s number one influencer.
4. Many of your kid’s other securities are gone.
By the time a kid’s in her last years of high school, she’s typically in a very familiar place. She knows the back roads in town, which sandwich shop makes the best turkey club, and what movie theater has those comfy reclining seats.
When kids hit 18 or graduate, friends go their separate ways. Life’s changes can be scary and unfamiliar. Parenting doesn’t stop at 18, because you are the constant in a season filled with change.
Parenting doesn’t stop at 18, because you are the constant in a season filled with change. Click To Tweet5. The ego might finally take a back seat.
My ego told me I was ready to move out to start college. After we arrived on campus, my mom took me to Target for dorm room essentials, and I scoffed at most of her suggestions. “Please, Mom. I’ve got this.” Two days later, the moment came for our hug goodbye, and I bawled like a tiny baby.
My mom didn’t say, “Oh, so you do need me!” She just assured me I would be OK and that there would be a care package in the mail soon. When our kids are forced to rely on themselves instead of us, they realize how much our support means and can (hopefully) let down their pride a little.
6. You step aside but not out.
First, we carry our babies; then we hold their hands; then we walk and glance back to make sure they’re behind us; and eventually, as they forge their own paths, we walk alongside them.
Leading isn’t the only way to be a positive influence in your child’s life. You can also listen, field ideas, and ask questions to help her process decisions.
7. You still know him best.
In my early 20s, I went to my dad with a work crisis. He asked questions, listened to my responses, and said, “You are equipped to make the right decision here.” His role changed from coach to cheerleader, and it gave me confidence to listen to my own intuition.
If you’ve laid the groundwork for an open relationship with your child, your knowledge of his history, character, and gifting can be a valuable source of guidance.
8. Your heart hasn’t changed.
Parenting doesn’t stop when your child moves across the country or only checks in once a month because parenting isn’t just about the day-to-day stuff. Sure, it’s what fills up your to-do list, but grocery shopping, driving to practice, and helping with homework isn’t what makes you a mom. The fact that your child is never far from your heart and mind is what qualifies you as a mother, and I’m pretty sure that’s not changing any time soon.
In what way do you think your role will change for the better when your child turns 18?
