My daughter sat at the table with her markers, a couple glue sticks, and a daunting stack of books on the Industrial Revolution. Outside the window, two kids pedaled past on bikes. “That’s Lucy and Maddy,” she said, her eyes following them down the street. Once they disappeared, my daughter sighed and lowered her gaze again to her supplies spread out before her. She had a poster project that needed to be done by the next day. “Mom,” she sighed, “I just don’t feel like doing this.”
I get it. The weather’s nice. Others are enjoying it. My kid’s worked hard all year, and now she’s tired. She needs a break. Whether they’re in elementary school or high school, some kids start phoning it in early. If your child seems to be giving up and not putting in as much effort as she should, it might just be OK. Here’s what you should know.
1. It’s usually temporary.
“Kiddo, you had such good grades first quarter,” I said. “What’s going on?” The email update showed my daughter had some missing or late assignments. “It’s gotten harder,” she said. We talked about getting help from her teacher and asking questions. She was a good student, but I think her after-school activities had eaten into her homework time, causing her to fall behind.
If your child’s usually on top of things and has only recently started phoning it in and not following through with the effort level you’re accustomed to, it could be for a variety of reasons. Maybe she’s not getting enough sleep. Maybe an absence or two has made it hard to catch up. Or maybe she has her sights on the upcoming school break and her thoughts are there. Increase the time spent with her to make sure she’s on task. Sometimes it’s a temporary lack of motivation, but it could also mean she’s struggling with the material and needs a little extra attention.
2. It’s normal.
Ask any schoolteacher and she’ll tell you she sees it every year in springtime. The sun’s shining brighter each day and kids are staring out the window, longing for the fresh air and freedom that comes with summer break. Few kids are immune to the joys that season brings.
Have patience with your child. When he’s wishing to be elsewhere, try empathizing first. It’s hard for adults to stay on task sometimes too! Then try to work on a system where you balance work and play. If he knows he’ll have some freedom after completing an assignment or chore, it might motivate him to be more efficient.
Have patience with your child. Click To Tweet3. It’s going to be OK.
“He’s going through the motions,” Lydia whispered, “but not really trying.” I gazed across the stage and found her son Grady half-heartedly keeping up with the other kids during play rehearsal. “He’s totally phoning it in,” she added. You could tell by his floppy arm movements and blank expression that he’d checked out.
Kids go through seasons and stages. Sometimes it’s the time of year while other times it’s a natural part of their growth. Have patience and try to see things through their eyes. We all experience the desire to phone it in at times, but if it persists week after week, it may be a sign of something more serious. Talk to his teacher, coach, or counselor to get to the bottom of his behavior.
More likely, his priorities have just shifted. Keep talking with him, making sure things are OK in his world. Your support will help him stay focused and this time will pass.
When have you witnessed your child phoning it in?
