“I don’t need counseling, and I don’t want counseling,” my daughter texted me. I sighed. I felt like time was ticking, and before I knew it, she’d be graduating and off to college. I wanted her to be ready in all ways—emotionally, socially, academically. Deep down, I feared that I hadn’t prepared her enough, and her refusal to go to counseling multiplied my fear by 10. My mom sanity was on the brink of crumbling.
But then I heard a saying in a podcast later that day. And it came up again at church that Sunday. And it came up again in conversation with a good friend. I thought, OK, God, I hear you. This one saying filled me with peace and hope whenever I heard it. If you’re a mom of a teen, I hope it will do the same for you.
“This is one small part of a long story.”
Let it sink in slowly. “This is one small part of a long story.” Now let’s dissect it.
“This is one small part…”
This. This moment. This day. This week. This month. It can feel like you are stuck in a time loop, not with Doctor Strange—with your moody teenager. But here’s the truth: What happened this week isn’t what will happen forever. Today may look like a failure, but it’s just one small part. And even as rotten as it seems, it might be an essential step toward success in the future.
My teenage daughter refused to go to counseling (and refused is putting it lightly). When she was 13 and again at 15, we had conversations about it that I would describe as complete failures. Then at age 16, a counseling opportunity presented itself, and she gave it a try. She loved it. She thrived from it. What if the previous failures were paving the way for the right time and the right counselor?
“…of a long story.”
Your teen’s life is a long story. We may think we’ve got to get them 100% ready for life with no baggage or hang-ups by the time they reach 18, but that’s just not realistic. Were you 100% ready for life with no baggage or hang-ups by 18? I know I wasn’t. But my story is still going, and so is yours. And your child’s will go on—to grow, to learn, to struggle, to love, to lose—for many, many years after 18. So exhale. Let this thought chase away your fears.
Give your teenager the freedom to be a teenager. Accept your teen as he or she is right now, knowing he or she won’t stay that way forever. Today may not be the day she goes to counseling, takes school seriously, or starts having a good relationship with her brother. But it’s a long story. That day might be tomorrow, next year, or 10 years from now.
Accept your teen as he or she is right now, knowing he or she won’t stay that way forever. Click To TweetFind peace in this day.
You may be thinking, How can I find peace in this day when I try to help my child and it doesn’t turn out the way I hoped? Ask yourself these questions: Are you doing the best you can with what you have and what you know? Then you can rest, knowing that you did your part in this part of a long story. No matter how your teen responds to you or current challenges, it’s OK. We can’t see into the future, but we know this isn’t the end.
When I still feel uneasy with the rockiness of the day, I turn to a higher power. For me, this is God. When I remember that He can see the whole story and desires good for us, not harm, I can rest. I can surrender my worries of the moment and ask God to pave the way to something good for my teen and for me.
What helps you keep your mom sanity when things seem to go wrong with your teen?
